New York Cab Driver in Summer

The summer after I graduated high school, I went to New York with my friend More. I was trying to save up a significant amount of money that summer in preparation for my first year of college, so I was pretty stingy during the whole trip. IE I brought a bag of apples and string cheese, so I would only have to buy one meal a day. But, I had a very good time and saw a lot of theatre and wondrous NY landmarks.

On departure day, it was my job to pay for the taxi to the airport. The driver didn't speak much English. When we arrived at JFK, the meter said the price of the ride was just under $25 dollars. I got out my wallet, and the driver got out of the car, held out his hand, and said, "Theerty dollar." I had obviously seen the real price, but it totally didn't even cross my mind that the cabbie was lying. I just figured there was some other tax I was unaware of. I had never paid for a cab before. I gave him the $30, and then, knowing you're supposed to tip driver, another eight dollars. He looked confused, and I said, "For tip." He suddenly looked extremely ashamed and gave me back the ten. "No..." he said, looking at the ground.

Oh. And then I got it. He saw two young girls and worried he wasn't going to get a tip, so he lied. When, actually, we had no intention of stiffing him. I was even going to give him a bigger tip than the one he fabricated. And then we took our suitcases and went home.

Fact: It's better to get things the right way.

Street Where You Live

More honesty. Less judgin'.
Fewer facts. More questions.
More soaking. Less grabbing.
Less less. More more.

Cherry blossoms in DC. March 2012.

I have often walked down this street before,

but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.

Minor Morality

Wanted to watch last night's Mad Men today.
Scoured several "FREE TV ONLINE BUT A MILLION POPUPS" sites.
Dad's internet/sketchy websites allow me to watch two minutes of the episode at a time.
And it was such a good episode.
Peep iTunes.
Mad Men episodes--three bucks.
Sigh.
But I could get it for free!
But what I save in money I lose in time with every dang attempt to see what Joan is up to!
Also...I watched the past three seasons on pirated DVDs.
So, maybe I owe some money to Matthew Weiner?
I buy the episode.
It was really satisfying.

You got me so I can't sleep at night.

Birthday Play & Marrow

LIGHTS UP on early AM of May 19th. THE DAUGHTER rises and enters the HALL BATHROOM.

DAD (from the hall) : HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
THE DAUGHTER (sullen, annoyed): Dad. I'm in the bathroom.
DAD (beat): Even in the bathroom, it's your birthday.

CURTAIN.

Me and Pops in Germany. June 2011.

But first let's toast to the lists

that we hold in our fists

of the the things we promise to do differently next time.

If I Were a Rich Girl YadaDadadadadadadadaDUM

Yesterday I had dinner with some friends from the South Loop of Chicago. They have this balcony that overlooks a kitchy old watertower, and a tiny garden, and clean sidewalks surrounding their front gate, and as I drove away I realized they could bike to Buckingham Fountain or walk to the beach or just trot on up the Magnificent Mile. I mean, okay, granted, yesterday was a really beautiful May day, so I could have probably looked at a roach in the proper light and found a sort of perfection, but f'real, I just fell in love with their home, and I had a thought that is very foreign to me:

I want to be very rich.

Pookie's first morning on her AZ visit. She woke up, and I handed her an envelope dad had sent us. It was stuffed fulla 2s.

I never wish to be rich. In fact, a lot of the time I actually thank God I am NOT very rich because I feel like I personally would have a lot of guilt-based issues if I were very rich. I already DO have a lot of guilt-based issues and I am kind of the antithesis of very rich. Still, its a lot of wear and tear on my Jimminy Cricket that I have to wonder if I hadn't ordered the 60 cent almond flavoring for my coffee last night, if I would have had a dollar for that homeless man across the street from the funeral parlor and Too Much Light theatre.

Also, I never think about being very rich because the things I generally really want don't require me to be so. You probably think I mean, like, love or something, but I really just mean that Reese's cups cost a dollar. ALSO, I never think about being very rich because it's just not bloody likely. Look at me. I'm getting a degree in playwriting. Pfft, yeah, OHKAY, I think I'll count my millions in the next lifetime.

But, yesterday, walking through the park of little yuppy kids of this fancypants neighborhood on their Cars 2 bikes, I did want to be very rich. I get it.

See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.

Judgement Days

Having a really hard time lately be nonjudgemental. Everything is bothering me from the piece of trash someone let fly out of their car window to General Mills for marketing their sugar terrorism.

I've been leeching onto the priority of removing my own beams, but the judgement sticks itself to me like window clings of tiny cartoon coffees at Dunkin Donuts. Mmmm...donuts.

Everyone's a screw-up in some way. It's basically inevitable. So, we must eschew judgment because there will ALWAYS be opportunities to judge. If you're judgmental, the world ends up looking like a dump pile. Because NEWSFLASH, all your judging does zilch besides make it easier to keep judging.

We all know this. But, here are the real questions:
1. If the judgement is right, is it ever pushy? If you're wrong, have you forfeited your right not to be pushed? Is actually the only right we own the entitlement to push and push back?

2. Where does it COME from? What makes me feel like its a good idea to be judgmental? I think we all act from standpoints of good--sometimes we just don't recognize our motive and our actions don't match. It feels like I'm trying to accomplish something good with judgement, but I'm obviously not. Why does it feel so natural to judge others if we're not meant to do it/if it's unhealthy/if it's not WWJD? You know? I sincerely do not know.

Yatchface with a cookie when we were roommates in 2010.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

I'm asking him to change his ways.

Lasting Advice Comes From Funny Places

No clue why, but today I had this flashback of anxiety. Maybe because I took a mid-day nap and dreamt I was driving a van with this girl I knew when I was 15, a totally random I-was-more-friends-with-her-brother girl, and the brakes went out as we whizzed down a hill. I woke up one second from death.

Anyway, this anxiety memory: when I was a high school freshman, I was in the band room rehearsing for an Edgar Allen Poe performance piece. (Ugh. My life.) Anyway, I was in it with this guy--let's call him TR. TR was a senior and the best friend of my first boyfriend. When we started dating, TR said, "If you hurt him, I'll hurt you," which is a funny thing to say to a braces-bearing pipsqueak, but whatevs! I thought TR was soOoOoO wise. A. He wore these all-black outfits. B. He played a lead in the school musical (Thenardier in Les Mis, WORD). C. He had been dating the same girl for, like, a full year. This was foreign to me just getting off the middle school boat. Dude was the height of maturity to me.

Anyway, this day in rehearsal, we were on a break, and I walked over to a chair and saw an open notebook. I stood over it reading. I honestly didn't read a full sentence when TR came over to me, scooped it up, and said, "Don't read other people's stuff." And I said, "I didn't know whose it was...or if you minded...or..." This is the anxiety I was talking about. And he said, "It doesn't matter. It's how you get in trouble."

Looking back on TR...some things: A. He and that long-term gf broke up because he randomly got a crush on some other girl. He moped around for a good several months spitting lines like, "I don't look put together? Maybe I'M NOT." B. He wore pajamas to graduation and this t-shirt with wolves on it. Before irony was cool. C. The last night of the spring play, he ad-libbed a homophobic slur. Good. So, he wasn't actually a sage or anything. But, that advice is really good right? It's true. Reading other people's stuff, whether you know whose it is, or if it's personal...it never creates a GOOD situation, right?

And literally any time I am considering opening someone's medicine cabinet or something, I think of TR. It is amazing what we tote around and from whom we're toting, and what we've tossed into the world to be toted.

Remember When It Was My Birthday?

And I went to my favorite restaurant of all time--Baker's Square (sidenote: if you think that's sketchy/ghetto fab, die in a fire, it's an extremely nostalgic dining experience for most Chicago southsiders/amazing honey mustard so get over yourself)--and I ordered every pie on the menu? Because that happened.

30 pieces of pie. So this would be less than half.

My favorite Baker's Square pies--by category:

Best fruit pie: Cherry
Best Cream Pie: Strawberry cream cheese
Best Cake-like Pie: Oreo
Wildcard: Key lime
Wildcard Dos: Pecan French silk

Here's the thing. Every pie was delicious. Every one! So, like, how else in the world was I ever going to experience every pie because, you know, you go, and you say you're going to try something new, but how can you try something new when there is Oreo to be had?!

There were plenty of leftovers:

Ohmygod, ohmygod you pies!

(alternate Legally Blonde lyrics sung by Pookie and moi during pie hangovers)

Rubies

Thank you Kristen Wiig & Andy Samberg for such inspiring runs on SNL.

Los Angeles at night. April 2012.

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday.

Who could hang a name on you

when you change with every new day?

Still, I'm gonna miss you.

Nobody Loves You When You're 23

Here are the anthems of my 24th year (IE bein' 23)--in chronological order:

1. What's My Age Again--Blink-182
an anthem to the year itself
2. Going Away to College--Blink-182
an anthem to thinking about grad school
3. Dance Music--The Mountain Goats
my plane jam for Germany travels
4. Someone to Watch Over Me--Gershwinz
an anthem from the musical my fam saw in Germany
5. Here's Looking at You Kid--The Gaslight Anthem
an anthem I would wistfully listen to on runs in Chicago summer
6. Party in the USA--Miley Cyrus
an regressive and two years too late anthem for starting my life over in da desert
7. I Am the One--Next to Normal
my biking tune of choice, never left my iPod shuffle all year
8. Leaves in the River--Seawolf
an anthem for missing Midwestern fall
9. Strays--Tim Kasher
an anthem for late-night playwriting
10. HAM--Kanye & Jay-Z
an anthem for upping my running mileage all year
11. Blazin'--Nicki Minaj
to play while poolside/feel cool/love Ye a lot
12. Beautiful Mistake--The Ataris
so much GD Ataris this year...boop
13. Blow-Ke$ha
an anthem that played before EVERY SINGLE IMPROV SHOW ALL YEAR--forever and always hearing that trollop stutter her B's will remind me of Freeze Tag
14. Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun--Cindy Lauper
an anthem played during one of my favorite sketches I wrote in 2011
15. Someone Like You--Adele
(for some reason) my anthem for finals/winter in AZ/lots of belting in Chelle's car
16. The Scientist--Aimee Mann
an anthem for missing my family
17. Broken Bird--Jack's Mannequin
an anthem from Andy's new album, angstily sung by me frequently
18. Art Is Dead--Bo Burnam
an anthem that asked me what I asked myself (What is da point of art though...?)
19. Black Star--Radiohead
an anthem for seeing Radiohead live
20. Alone--Glee Version
the anthem in my head during my entire Virginia trip
21. My Heart Will Go On--Celine Dion
I don't wanna talk about it
22. 21 Guns--American Idiot Musical Recording
an anthem I spoofed for a sketch about gun legislation this spring
23. What Makes You Beautiful--One Direction
an anthem I somehow got everyone to listen to like twelve times en route to LA for Fracas

Bug, Kale, moi Girl's Night. February 2012. Photo by Chelle/Shell.

Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun, and girl's just wanna have fun.

Last Year's List:

http://aliceoutofcontext.blogspot.com/2011/05/wise-men-say.html

Getting Small

Things keep getting smaller.
I am aware of this, but
I am also powerless
to theses things that expand--wait--no, it's not things keep getting smaller.
It's that I do.
And my things do.
Because things keep getting bigger
actually.
And crowding out
things
that now feel so small.

Easter place setting. 2012.

Meanwhile, there's a meat industry.

Also, meanwhile,

I just want to sing "Call Me Maybe" on repeat.

Maybe have an all "Call Me Maybe" aerobic funk jazzercise class.

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad.

I missed you so bad.

I missed you so so bad.

Luv 4 Yosh

Curly & Yosh wit cupcakes.

On me biking home late into the night.

Hearts Then & Now

In honor of that one holiday that happened yesterday, a memory of my mom:

Artichokes look creepy. Naturally, the first time I saw my mom eating one, I was uninterested. Suckin' on an olive leaf? No thanks. But, I was curious enough to try it. And, of course, because artichokes are heavenly, I dug it. My mom quartered the heart (which is very obviously the best part), and I ate a piece. Then I ate a second. And then the third. My mom only had the initial little chunk.

From then on, when my mom would eat artichokes, I would abstain from sharing until she got to the heart. Then, I'd suddenly pounce and gobble the whole thing. Yup. I left my own mom for dead in the veggie game, but she just chuckled.

Last night Pookie and I took AStanSr out to a nice seafood dinner. I obvi didn't get any fish, but I did order a grilled artichoke. When I got to the heart, I offered it to my mom. She thanked me but said she could only deprive me of half at most.

Goodbye for Now, Arizona

This is what I look like right now--poorly-maintained hair, running on three hours of sleep, Bat Boy stuck in my head, arms tired from furiously scrubbing the tub, heart overflowing with love for all my friends in the desert.

This is what I look like because tonight was meant to hold solitary packing slowly turned into a mini-going away party. People kept calling. The doorbell kept ringing, and now Curly and Bug remain in my living room finishing up some sketch business, but I must must sleep. My plane leaves in just over 5 hours.

This is what I look like--kinda gross--but no one minds. To all those reading, and to all those not reading, Goodnight and Thank You for making this a special year.

A conversation can't consist of hello and goodbye and the silences between saying, "I love you."
And sometimes
I wonder about that too.

Fashion

Ru models a Taco Bell bag as a beanie.

The Best Day in May (So Far)

Yesterday, May 9th, was, not to sound dramatic, but the best day in the history of the world:

1. Obama OFFICIALLY SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE. First president ever. Good job, Mr. President.
2. I spent the morning listening to The Mamas and the Papas after seeing Dream a Little Dream on Tuesday, which is a musical based on their story as a group. And that music is nostalgic and warm to me.
3. Mindy Kaling has been greenlighted for her own TV show!
4. I started reading on the couch in the afternoon, and then I felt like sleeping, so I did. What freedom. Napping without alarms while the Arizona shines down through the balcony doors.
5. No more disgusting Beyonce lemonade. Orange juice has never been so fantastic.
6. I baked cookies for an evening party, so anyone who texted me during the process was invited over for some snacks--specifically Chelle, Ru, Sid, and Bug. The fact that Ru can just bike over or Bug can throw on a puffy jacket and walk through the monsoon for cookies makes me feel like I live in a real community. And you know how I feel about active communities.

7. We are all surprised by a flash flood. We stand on my front stoop watching the palm trees snap back and forth.

8. My friends are very funny. Very very funny. I laugh and laugh and laugh. Ru says, "Okay, Boo Boo." Sid says, "Anything with Sandra Bullock I hate. Besides Speed."
9. And then suddenly we're arguing about the validity of existence from the human perspective. And Sid is interrupting me to say, "No. No. No. 'I think therefore I am' is ALWAYS true." And Bug is shaking her head, and I'm saying, "We don't KNOW." And then with the same conviction this little Cuban kid is just as adamantly screaming, "Five pictures in a row on Instagram is RIDICULOUS."
10. The entire time I wasn't wearing a bra. No one cares. I'm over it.
11. My grad program all celebrated Burrito's graduation by dining in Blue Eyes' backyard. His wife had made Monterey Jack mac and cheese in a crock pot. I had been craving it all week. I decided to take exactly two bites (worried about stomach mutiny). But, no. It was absolutely life-changingly good and settled perfectly into my system. Oh. It was...heaven. Like, teeny french horns blowing at the pearly gates.
12. They found out I went on a date this week, and when Burrito was pestering me about the guy, and I was saying, "You don't know him," my professor chimes in

Prof: Wait, you're dating men now?
Me: Yes? Always?
Prof: What? No. I thought you were...
Me: Yeah! I mean I write a lot about gay rights, but--
Boulder: I didn't think you were gay.
Burrito: I could see it.
Blue Eyes: To be fair, I got a hint of anti-man from you.

So, got that cleared up apparently.

13. Went home starving since I had opened the option of food to my body. My roommate had made Reese's Cookie Brownies before going on vacation, so I cut one in half and ate just a little bit. Oh. Heaven x 85,000.
14. A very drunk Bug and Ru came over, joined by manic Sid. It's nice to have friends by your side right until you go to bed.

You gotta go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do,
with whoever you wanna do it with.

The Beyonce Cleanse

A week ago I began the Master Cleanse (AKA The Beyonce Cleanse AKA The Lemonade Cleanse). If you haven't heard of this via Kelly Kapoor, it is a diet regimen that is meant to detox your system. Beyonce famously did it for two weeks to prepare for her role in Dreamgirls.

The Cleanse:
You drink a "lemonade" of lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup 6 times a day.
You also drink laxative peppermint tea before bed and green tea in the morning.

When I began the cleanse, I told myself if I didn't feel good at any point, I would stop. I honestly didn't know if I would get past one day, but I wanted to try it out. It's been a wild school year, and at the end of every big adventure I like to detox everything. This week, besides Beyoncing I've been meditating daily, deep cleaning my bathroom, sorting old files, etc. You know. Getting refreshed! People sometimes try to use this cleanse for weight loss, but doing it for a week has probably lost me a pound or two (although I wouldn't know since I don't ever weigh myself), but I'm sure as soon as I put something solid in my body,  I'll return to normal. So, I'm not measuring the success of this diet by how I have changed externally--more how it's effected me internally.

Notes on the Experience:
-Deprivation. This cleanse supposedly resets your taste buds to be more in line with your body. IE--no more desire for foods we wouldn't naturally want. At first this was SO WRONG. Day Three was my only day of real hunger, and I spent literally hours of the day looking at restaurant menus and recipes online. But, now, Day Seven, that desire is gone. I'm not hungry really at all. I mean, yeah, food sounds good. I miss chewing. But, if I had to eat something, I'd opt for a piece of bread--not the Reese's Cookie Explosion Brownies that glowed from my computer screen four days ago.
     Two Schools of Thought: 1. Deprivation just makes you want it more. Or 2. Deprivation gets you back on track with what you ACTUALLY want.
-Being Social. I was asked out to dinner this week. Couldn't go. I'm not in school, so I am free as a birdy, and I've seen friends, but I know I'd be seeing them MUCH more if I were eating. HOWEVER, I DID attend my friend JD's graduation dinner. Oh. It was super glam. Pre-set menus, JD's parents footing the bill, ARTICHOKE PASTA, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE TORTE. I just drank water and watched the five courses spin around me. While that might sound like hell, it really wasn't bad.
     1. It's usually difficult to abstain from things we want when they are presented to us. But, I thought, we can get them basically any time. Like, yeah, I wanted that torte, but next week I can make that torte and eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wouldn't even WANT that, but I COULD. In just a week. Why feel like the world is going to collapse because I can't have it RIGHT NOW? There will always be more to come, you know?
     2. This was the most focused I've been on other people during a meal in a really long time. I never considered how much eating while socializing tears my concentration. Obviously, eating is social, so I'm still going to eat and socialize, but I feel much more aware of first being attentive to people second to my food.
-Good Feeling. I've spent so much time on the couch since finals ended. It's glorious. I did the exact thing last year--on Pookie's couch. I flopped for days watching Netflix, but the difference? I also ate bowl after bowl of ice cream and crackers. I ended up feeling so sluggish. It's been nice to relax while energized. But, of course, I'm happy to stop drinking that nasty potion.
-Cheap. Nothing pads your wallet like surviving on some lemons and a bottle of syrup for a week.

There's probably more, but that's what stands out. Overall, I'm glad I tried this. I do feel bouncier, fresher. I mean, the toxins have really been flushed out of my body. Amped to ease back into food!

Become the Future

Our past might be what influences us, but our future is what makes us. It is far more logical to act with the purpose of becoming who you want to be instead of in accordance with who you were yesterday.

5 AM in Carefree, AZ.


I'm livin' in the future, so the present is my past.

Richard Dawkins

Found my notes from the Richard Dawkins talk I saw this February with Pookie. Ideas from the legend:

-Trying to figure out God from our perspective is like looking for keys you dropped under a lamppost since that's where the light is.

-People say that our existence is proof of a higher power because us being here is so improbable, but, actually, the big surprise would be if nothing happened in am empty space.

-It's sad all politicians have to lie about being religious. They can't all possibly care. We need to be who we are and own it.

-Fear is a biological mechanism. It's not so bad.

Interesting ideas, Dawks. I enjoyed hearing him speak--despite not always entirely agreeing. Because I had a good, thought-provoking evening, when the dude was walking offstage to thunderous applause of four-thousand hands, I yelled up at him (I was in the front row) "Thanks!" and he smiled so so genuinely, and he pointed at me, like, "Hey, YOU thanks."

And then my sis and I went out with Blue Eyes to an Irish pub and sucked down cranberry juices.

Conversation about Past Mistakes

We discussed if bad things can be good because they lead to great things.

March 2012.

Yet

Sistah Sistah. Christmastime 2011.

Like when you're freezing in the Midwestern December, and you come inside from the dark (and it's dark even though it is 4 PM), and you shed your damp coat and kick off your Uggs, but you're still cold, shivering even, and you're blue, you're literally blue in the lips, but there are crescent rolls in the oven, and they smell like doughy divinity, so you walk over and crouch down to the orangey light. Your neck is frigid--oh--you forgot your scarf. It's dripping down your spine. You pull it around and drop it to the linoleum. You open the door and the wave of heat blasts at you. OH, IT FEELS SO GOOD.

That's what it's like here in summer. 90s with no humidity. People don't understand how I can be in love with this endless rock terrain, but, oh, it feels so good.

Yet, I am willing to give it up--neigh, happy to leave--because the prize is my family!

One week.

Another Vegan Month Over

My annual vegan month closed out on Monday. Last year Vegan April was a struggle for me. I found myself fantasizing about non-vegan snacks a LOT--snacks that I didn't even eat frequently.

On my drive to 25th Annual...Spelling Bee rehearsal, I passed a huge strip of fast food places, and I remember thinking, "I want a milkshake from every one of these chains. I swear to all that is dairy, I am living a deleted scene of The Odyssey."

But this month, I was actually so cozy in Vegan April, I honestly forgot about it. Notes on the experience:

1. This year, I've been mostly vegan, so most of my meals didn't change. I have huge thanks to give to peanut butter tortillas, Taco Bell bean burritos, Ethiopian food, and hummus.
2. I now have two vegan friends and a collection of sympathetic vegetarians. People are not just tolerant of my veganness--they consider it when we make plans, make food. It's not just about your ethical eating choices--you influence an entire community.
3. I continue to be interested in freeganing, but it's really not my favorite. I find when I freegan, I am less satisfied with meals since it's little bits here and there instead of something whole and satisfying.
4. Unlike previous years, I had access to vegan ice cream--which is huge.
5. I cheated twice.
     A. I made up my mind to eat a milk chocolate bunny for Easter. It was a gift, so it's not like I bought it, but if I hadn't eaten it in April, I would have eaten it in May, so I felt confident in my choice to nom it.
     B. Last week, I had an insane craving for french fries and a milkshake. I was working an twelve hour shift, and I could not imagine any other dinner. I decided to enjoy the crave and vowed to do a vegan makeup in May (maybe a cop-out since many of my days are vegan). I don't think this is that bad either. I told someone about this, and she said, "See? What if I were a vegetarian except I ate meat just once a month!?" And I said, "That would be awesome." Because it would. It's about doing the best you can. But REALLY doing the best you can. It was a conscious choice that I considered for literally hours when I cheated--if everyone took that much respect to the foods we eat, we'd live in a much better world.
6. I continue to respect veganism, but there are a few things that hold me back from the full commitment:
     A. It's very hard for me to pass up baked goods other people make, but, I did it all month, so not that hard. What I think is actually worse is that the sweets I eat are worse than if I just ate non-vegan dessert. IE I will eat literally 30 Oreos in a sitting, when I'd be much more satisfied with 1 non-vegan brownie.
     B. I only like non-vegan salad dressing, and it seems counter-productive to my health to give up salads in the name of veganism.
7. I've lost most interest in milk, most cheese (besides pizza), and while I like eggs, I'm sane about losing them.
8. If you are reading this, please consider how you can change just one thing in your diet temporarily. You will probably find it can be permanent--or at least, a rarity.

One! Year! Down!

That's right. As of yesterday, I was done with all my finals/projects. It was also May 1st--IE the end of Vegan April. Celebration? Cupcakes! Funded by my Chicago Auntie.

Om. Friggin'. Nom. 

A halfway there party because I had another twelve hour work shift today, and I had a booty-ton of screenplays to grade.

But, guess what? As of 9 PM tonight--I had clocked out for the last time at the disability center, the last screenplay was graded, and I was officially done done DONE. Crazy, right?! One whole year under my belt! 33%! Meaning, if I were getting a grade in grad school...I...would...Oh. Hm. I would be failing miserably. But that's okay because by this time next year...oh. I'll have a 66%. A "D." Hm. Well, two years from today I'll have my degree. So, put THAT red velvet in yo' mouth and eat it!

Sid, ASF Club, Moi in dessert delight.