On TikTok I came across a high school girl's video about her makeup routine. She was doing what all the major beauty influencers do--contour, highlighter, eyeshadow brushing, a bold lip. But sheesh. It looked terrible. I went to the comments to find thousands of people agreed with me. Not like I'd say it! This wasn't even a famous teen, just a regular gal trying her best. I felt so bad for her. I went to her profile to look at the next video she made after that debacle. I wondered how she would react. Clap back to the meanies? Shame them? Would she cry, be pitiful? Would she ignore it all and post a video with friends or playing soccer or getting Starbucks?
Her next video was none of that. She did another makeup video. Everything she did in the first, she did in the second--just more precise. She smiled and made comments like, "I'm not using as much blush like you guys suggested." What an option. As if she were a blonde robot, programed to absorb the useful nuggets from the trolls and unemotionally discard the rest. Her lewk did improve.
The oldest man in one of my writing groups does this thing I learned not to do when I was 19. In my first poetry class I learned when someone interprets your work incorrectly, you don't correct them because you can't tell someone they didn't see what they saw. It doesn't mean you have to agree, but now you know what you need to change to clarify your true meaning. This man in my group argues with us. I don't understand how he's come this far and doesn't know how not to do this. He's kind and intelligent and loves writing. He gives helpful feedback himself, but when we say, "I didn't understand why this person would do this" he quickly cuts us off, "Oh she does it because of this." And it's like, well, sure, okay, yes you have a reason, but I didn't see it. Last session his closest contemporary, with just a hint of frustration in his tone, told him, "When you get a note, you have to accept you got it."
