Friday, June 25, 2010

Cooking by the Book

cooking a gourmet meal in the woods during Pre-Camp

Support. I drone on and on about it all the time. If you don't support the meat industry, don't eat meat. Don't support how Wal-Mart sucks up little business, don't shop there. If you don't support beer ads, don't drink beer. It's that simple. Cooking by the book.

But recently I've been wondering...if my deeds match my support. Sometimes the blatant answer is no. I don't like gossip, yet I know I talk about what isn't important from time to time. I also support effortless joy, but sometimes it's hard for me to be happy. Am I putting my money where my mouth is in more situations than my meals and material goods?

Someone once told me she learned the number one environmental problem is overpopulation and the number one reason is pre-marital sex. Facts? Maybe not the number one...but there would be hella less folk on this overpopulated planet if there was no pre-marital sex. This woman told me she wouldn't have pre-marital sex to support a lifestyle that supports less people. Wow! Taking the steps to get from a world problem to being a nuanced person who walks the talk.

Still mulling it all over.

It's a piece of cake to make a piece of cake.
If the way is hazy, you've gotta do the cooking by the book.
You know you can't be lazy.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Assorted Nuts

Kath, Wizzy, Cocoa, and Me

I am so grateful I've grown up doing things that make me look like an idiot. Camp, Girl Scouts, Theatre, Speech, etc. etc. etc. What opportunities, friends, and humility you miss if you aren't comfortable acting like a total fool for the greater good. Some things I have done lately: sang a song about forgiveness to the tune of "Replay" in front of a full fire ring of campers, jumped in a lake at 7 AM...daily, played dodgeball seriously when I have no actual athletic skill.

So when you dream, dream big. As big as the ocean blue.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

This Never-ending Road to Calvary

My CT class after our intense camping trip. 2005.

One day until kids come.
Fifty days 'til I leave camp for-ev-er.
..and after that I can't count anymore. I've got a fat stack of papers to sign and deal with, but for now, I am just going to let that sit in a corner under my bunk.

The comedian says that a day without light's just--

Friday, June 18, 2010

Where Have I Been?

July 2009

It's been a ridiculous week of busyness, blessings, prayer, love, sincerity, comfort, salads, cold water, running, jumping, meeting, meetings, meetings. Pre-Camp ends Sunday when the kiddos arrive. From then until end of summer I should be able to update a couple times a week.

My personal life has been thrown in the toilet as I spend all my brain capacity on camp. This must and will change.

(talking about weddings)
Kath: Now, I thought you were of the "I'm Never Getting Married Club."
Me: Now, I'm kind of in the "I Do What God Wants Me to Club."
Kath: Hey! I'm in that club!

Everything will be alright.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Summer Camp Today!

About to make the trip up north to Michigan. Here it comes--one last summer on the shores of Lake Michigan. How do I feel?

There this was hiding at the bottom of your swimming pool some September. Don't you think I wish that I could stay?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


E-Mail from my sister:

"Pookie! How were auditions?

Big kisses!!!!!

Love love"

What's great is this is how pretty much every one sounds. I know because I am looking through them all as I just imported hella old school e-mails to my GMail. Dang GMail is magic.

Location: My dad's house.
Company: Kay.
Things: Packing etc.
Yesterday: Glee, Culvers, Dentist, Dinner with Char, Biking on the canal, BEATING KAY IN ONE-ON-ONE!
Tomorrow: Driving up to camp.
After: Working all summer.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I'm an Alum

Started to get nervous leading up to graduation. I have a job and plan for next year, so not about that. Rather, I was afraid to cry at graduation. It's such a happy day with so many freaking people around and so many cameras...I had this horrid image of me bawling my little eyes out while shuffling across the stage, getting my diploma all wet.

I'm so so dang grateful for my entire four years. The good and the bad, the happiness and the sadness. My college experience has been super dope. I almost considered listing all the things that made it so, but it would be the longest list of all time. So, I'm okay as we line up and start the procession, but as I entered the auditorium with "Pomp and Circumstance" blasting out the organ, and a thousand beaming faces around me, and my family all cheering silently and snapping pictures, and my classmates surrounding me, and then, all my professors on stage looking down at us...I did start to tear up. Then, we sang one of my favorite hymns. NO! I willed the tears to suck back up into my eyes. And! They did! I had this epiphany that I usually apply to theatre. I know if I got all riled about about a final performance I am cheating myself from knowing that my experience is a continual line--not segments of experience. It's all additive. That's the key. Graduation and college--no different. I was all smiles and it was fine. I walked, pointed and bowed to a few notable profs, and shook and took, and was sunny for all pictures.

Capstone Ladies Minus Kiwi

Yesterday Kay and I had lunch at Baker's Square on our way to Chicago. It was delicious. We were happy--sharing gratitude for the whole shindig, and then I said how nice it was to see all the people on stage who helped get us there. And it all came out--right onto my strawberry cream cheese pie. A million tears bottled for about 24 hours. I am so grateful for so much. He came around, we laughed, we enjoyed pie, I checked on Blanche, we drove away.

Here the future is always so clear.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Blessings Out the Wazoo

One day I will record them all. For now, I'm hot from walking to historic E-toun and tired from just looking at all I have to pack.

Brief Excellence: Gettin' Rubbed, Ridin' Waterslides, Fam Damily, A MAGICAL EXCURSION TO THE CB WITH HOLY T (DEFINITELY MORE ON THIS LATER!) and...breakfast.

Jamba + Muff = Love

And, to you, dear Kiwi, reading in your chicken-poxed state in a room with peeling yellow wallpaper--the outside world:

My beautiful college.

Stars, in their multitudes, scarce to be counted, filling the darkness with order and light.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

It's Like a Video of You Playing

Don & Lina, Singin' in the Rain 2006

Good: Going to a waterpark.
Bad: My room is a mess. I am in denial about how fast the family is showing up.
Good: The caliber of acting at yesterday's scene study performances. I am so excited to be going to ACTF with Huntie again next year.
Bad: My fussiness with clothes--not just because it't hot. Because I'm starting to feel bound by everything I wear. Feeling stuck and trapped and wanting to get these few days over with while simultaneously never wanting them to end.
Good: I have a sister. And a beautiful little town outside Chicago to jet off to.
Bad: I haven't been able to see her plenty. Trying to squeeze in the college friends.
Good: I have a job until next summer.
Bad: I am getting antsy about the energy summer camp needs and antsy about the details of next year with my other jobs. Still haven't pinned housing, timelines, etc.

Tell me why I feel so bad, Honey.
TV's flat and nothing is funny.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Kinda Bus-ay. K-K-Kinda Bus-ay.

Last week I read Le Petit Prince on the elliptical machines. During periods in my life I don't have time for leisure reads I just do it while I work out--on a stationary bike or while power-walking.

Last quarter I had so much reading due all the time I had no opportunities for my own pleasure. I had to read the great American classics for my lit class while pretending to climb up hills. My professor frequented the gym the same times I would. Before lunch Saturdays, early morning weekdays...She would see me. We would discuss White Noise while stair-stepping. She would ignore me as people in gyms do so everyone can just focus and sweat alone...but she would see Belovedd creeping out from behind the number bar on machines.

I know it looks sad. The best reads, and I sip them while dripping. Would Saint-Exupéry be rolling in his grave? I don'y know. I don't know, but I'm busy. What else can I do?

Also, I watched four Gaga music videos today. Also, I am the worst procrastinator. Also...who were those white bodies running around the Chapel Green a couple nights ago?

Roomies S10: Grinz & Yatchface

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Not Possible

It simply does not seem possible that I am so happy and ready in one minute and so scared and upset the next. How is it that the greatest blessings and grand realizations of love occur within an hour of petty disturbances to my mental health?

I just don't want to live this way anymore. I don't want to live knowing the Good but accepting the bad every other glance and breath. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE, ALICE! It's just not.

You turned in your capstone today. You are sitting with your beloved hamster as you type. You are full of free cookies. FREE cookies. You have Pookie--the patron saint of baked goods and DVDs and Muff the elixir of true life in the flesh. You have inspiration texts, and a best friend in your diary, and you love to have long runs and think about how wonderful It All Is. No more complaints please. Please?

Calm down and go to bed. This is ridiculous.

Real Stuff:

A List to Keep Me Sane: Excited Fors
-Last day of work in the pub ever tomorrow. Writing my name on the senior wall.
-Watching the Scene Study Final
-Dinner with Kay
-Scary film at Bradley's pad
-Date with the Holy Trinity
-Buying new underwear
-Finally spending extended time with Jamba (breakfast!!!)

Okay? So can it. And sleep. You're not done yet.