There are caveats obviously--the food and television need to be good. The Office plus a sundae. Boy Meets World plus Greek yogurt. Breakfast burrito plus 30 Rock.
Obviously, my life amounts to much more than watching TV and eating. In fact, I probably watch an average of 2.5 hours of TV per week since starting grad school. But, legit, if it were possible to scientifically gauge my happiness, I'm pretty positive the studies would show that I would be happier with an episode of Mad Men and a slice of cheesecake than I would be if I were sitting in the audience of one of my play's opening nights on Broadway.
Clara is a really really talented artist and individual. But somehow, she seems to be fine letting that sit inside her, peeking out when it feels fun. And, obviously, as I've written before, I feel like a tiny perpetual guilt machine about art. Part of me does believe Clara is honestly one of the best writers of all time--all the greats included--and she needs to share that. It's her "duty." But most of me sees her happy and thinks that's actually way better than any "duty" she is called to.
These two revelations--what makes me happy and that Clara is happy--make me wonder...Can I give this art stuff a rest already? I mean, I still like it all, but should I stop trying? I mean, I wouldn't have gotten into school if I hadn't forced myself to write a new play last winter, if I hadn't have forced myself to go beyond my immediate understanding of writing in college and pursue an independent study of dramatic writing, if I hadn't always shown up to rehearsals ready to work...And, ultimately, I'm really really happy to be here.
But would I be happier on a couch hangin' out? At the end of everything, am I "doing good" with art as a means to have enough money to watch The Biggest Loser over pancakes?
The first thing I did when I moved into my new room. Hung the illustrated lyrics to "Last Straw, AZ" my sister designed for me.
YOU GUYS, I AM SERIOUSLY IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? AM I ALLOWED TO JUST SCOOT BY OR SHOULD I KEEP TRYING TO, LIKE, DO STUFF FOR MYSELF AND THE WORLD?! I'M SO MANY BAMBOOZLEDS!
1 comment:
I love eating and watching TV/movies too!! Seriously, one of my favorites, just like you! :)
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