Friday, February 21, 2014


Bex is in Arizona for work, so she is staying with me in my 20s-women-bungalow. This morning I felt a pulse of power buzzing in the house. We were all up, packing our day's granola bars and blasting music, spraying the Bath & Body Works, opening blinds.

Before she left for work, Ro told me I looked skinnier. I have probably lost around ten pounds since the new year because I am training for a marathon and decided to stop eating dessert every day, or at the very least, only seven times a week. Boop.

We all support each other in my home. I tell them I ate four donuts Tuesday, and they praise me for doing what I want. I cook handfuls of spinach into my black beans and they praise me for doing what is good. I applaud our lazy MTV night. I cheer for them going to the gym. Anything goes. We should just be happy.

But that comment rang just a little too loudly this morning. "You look skinnier," "You look skinnier." I replayed it a few times. That's not obsessive. I don't know any women who re-slurp such a comment any fewer than a dozen times. I texted Ro.

ME: I hate being a woman. You saying I looked skinny made my morning. It shouldn't matter and it's arbitrary!
RO: A gay guy at a Taco Shop a couple of weeks ago said my eye brows looked good and were "on point" and I literally think about it every day.
ME: I've heard you mention it at least three times. No joke.

A couple months ago I started having some conversations about womanhood and he pressure of beauty with friends I respect. I figured I'm a pretty confident human, but I can still feel so insane about my appearance from time to time. Surely other women I revere have moved beyond these societal mental torture traps! Turns out, not really.

Over banoffee pie one night, Hill told me she'd been considering the need for people to say, "Everyone is beautiful." It's been kinda shoved down Millenials' throats since we could watch Nick Jr. And it's certainly a better philosophy than "Beautiful people succeed. Good luck lol." But, maybe we should remove all the power from beauty in the first place instead of insisting that we all have the stupid totally undeserved randito power ('COS WE DON'T).

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