Wednesday, February 27, 2013


When I go to bathroom in public washrooms I always kick down the lever with my foot, so I don't have to touch it. I learned the trick when I was 14 from a girl on my speech team. I have not talked to that girl in a decade. I still think of her probably 33% of the time I am flushing a toilet.

At summer camp I eavesdropped on two girls with braces and frizzy hair (signs of maturity from my fifth grade standpoint) while we played water polo in a shallow lake. One said, "You should never do anything for an award," and I still live by that.

In third grade our teacher gave our suckers as rewards. Her stipulation was that we never walk with them in our mouths without holding onto the sticks. She painted the scenario of a kid tripping and having the sucker ram into their throat. I have been scared to walk and sip through a straw since.

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