Back Alright

YEAR: 1999.
SETTING: 6th grade locker hall.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
    Fran--11, artsy middle schooler, wearing flared jeans and a Limited Too cat t-shirt
   Alice--11, jubillant best friend, wearing leggings (potentially a horrendous yellow) and a different Limited Too cat t-shirt. Perhaps one that even says "Cool Cat" on it.

SYNOPSIS:
    Act One--Fran has just told Alice that her aunt got her two tickets to see The Backstreet Boys. This launches Alice into a frenzy of excitement...until Fran says she is inviting her next-door-neighbor to take the other ticket. Internally, Alice crumbles into a pile of 90s concert confetti. Fran explains! Neighbor and she have been friends longer! (A mere technicality! thinks Alice.) Neighbor is the biggest BSB fan ever. Everyone knows that! (But you're not, Fran! You, in fact, don't even really like them. Give me your ticket. Alice attempts to Jedi-mind her friend.) Neighbor's already been told. And there's no arguing with that. While probably realizing somewhere in the back of even her dinko junior high mind there are far worse problems, Alice cannot help but gulp the tear stings away.

DRAMATURGICAL REFERENCE:
     On concert night I sat on pins and needles waiting for my mother to come home and report there had been some last minute tickets available at the box office. She's a trooper for trying, but no dice. And I was so unbearably sad. I drank a Mott's apple juice. I imagined all the girls in my class singing along to "I Want It That Way." I sound like an entitled child (and I was when we're considering, you know, India), but it is so rare that I ever truly wanted things as a kid. Like, really really wanted things. Maybe I felt hurt by my friend, maybe I was predestined for this MFA in theatre by prioritizing all other wants and needs against a live performance, maybe it was hard because I "worked" for those tickets that never came. I lived at the radio--handset ready for callers, maybe the music legitimately spoke to me. My mom told me "next time" but I knew there wouldn't be one. Boy bands are a fad. I felt it in my gut.

EPILOGUE:
     Where will you be in exactly two weeks? Oh, me? I'll be AT THE BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT IN PHOENIX! BOUGHT THE TICKETS LAST NIGHT. IT TOOK FOURTEEN YEARS, BUT I WILL BE JAMMING ALONG WITH NICK, BRIAN, AJ, HOWIE, AND KEVIN SEPTEMBER 5TH. AM I EVERYTHING YOU NEED, YOU BETTER ROCK YOUR BODY NOW!

Para Siempre

Every new thing we've ever had to do we at one point did not want to do.

AZ Sunrise 2012.

And how do you say 'always'?

Dogfriend

My boyfriend is laying on my bedroom floor,
facedown. Like a tired puppy. It's Friday at 5:50 after all.
I am standing in my closet
whimpering
also like a dog. Because I have to change out of running shorts
because I have to go to the theatre
(accentuated R-E).
"How cold do you think it will get?" I ask.
"High of 50s," he says into the carpet.
"So I should wear pants," I grumble, then
counter, "Maybe
I'll just wear a dress....no,
I'll regret it. BEAT. I'll just wear
stupid pants."
And the dogfriend barks:
"Don't wear pants."
"...But why?"
"Because you don't want to!"
And I don't!

The Beyonce Cleanse

A week ago I began the Master Cleanse (AKA The Beyonce Cleanse AKA The Lemonade Cleanse). If you haven't heard of this via Kelly Kapoor, it is a diet regimen that is meant to detox your system. Beyonce famously did it for two weeks to prepare for her role in Dreamgirls.

The Cleanse:
You drink a "lemonade" of lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup 6 times a day.
You also drink laxative peppermint tea before bed and green tea in the morning.

When I began the cleanse, I told myself if I didn't feel good at any point, I would stop. I honestly didn't know if I would get past one day, but I wanted to try it out. It's been a wild school year, and at the end of every big adventure I like to detox everything. This week, besides Beyoncing I've been meditating daily, deep cleaning my bathroom, sorting old files, etc. You know. Getting refreshed! People sometimes try to use this cleanse for weight loss, but doing it for a week has probably lost me a pound or two (although I wouldn't know since I don't ever weigh myself), but I'm sure as soon as I put something solid in my body,  I'll return to normal. So, I'm not measuring the success of this diet by how I have changed externally--more how it's effected me internally.

Notes on the Experience:
-Deprivation. This cleanse supposedly resets your taste buds to be more in line with your body. IE--no more desire for foods we wouldn't naturally want. At first this was SO WRONG. Day Three was my only day of real hunger, and I spent literally hours of the day looking at restaurant menus and recipes online. But, now, Day Seven, that desire is gone. I'm not hungry really at all. I mean, yeah, food sounds good. I miss chewing. But, if I had to eat something, I'd opt for a piece of bread--not the Reese's Cookie Explosion Brownies that glowed from my computer screen four days ago.
     Two Schools of Thought: 1. Deprivation just makes you want it more. Or 2. Deprivation gets you back on track with what you ACTUALLY want.
-Being Social. I was asked out to dinner this week. Couldn't go. I'm not in school, so I am free as a birdy, and I've seen friends, but I know I'd be seeing them MUCH more if I were eating. HOWEVER, I DID attend my friend JD's graduation dinner. Oh. It was super glam. Pre-set menus, JD's parents footing the bill, ARTICHOKE PASTA, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE TORTE. I just drank water and watched the five courses spin around me. While that might sound like hell, it really wasn't bad.
     1. It's usually difficult to abstain from things we want when they are presented to us. But, I thought, we can get them basically any time. Like, yeah, I wanted that torte, but next week I can make that torte and eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wouldn't even WANT that, but I COULD. In just a week. Why feel like the world is going to collapse because I can't have it RIGHT NOW? There will always be more to come, you know?
     2. This was the most focused I've been on other people during a meal in a really long time. I never considered how much eating while socializing tears my concentration. Obviously, eating is social, so I'm still going to eat and socialize, but I feel much more aware of first being attentive to people second to my food.
-Good Feeling. I've spent so much time on the couch since finals ended. It's glorious. I did the exact thing last year--on Pookie's couch. I flopped for days watching Netflix, but the difference? I also ate bowl after bowl of ice cream and crackers. I ended up feeling so sluggish. It's been nice to relax while energized. But, of course, I'm happy to stop drinking that nasty potion.
-Cheap. Nothing pads your wallet like surviving on some lemons and a bottle of syrup for a week.

There's probably more, but that's what stands out. Overall, I'm glad I tried this. I do feel bouncier, fresher. I mean, the toxins have really been flushed out of my body. Amped to ease back into food!

Rain in AZ

Rainy day in Kyoto. 2008.

It rained all day. I'm done with finals--I turned in my last paper yesterday at 10 PM. It was anti-climactic.
It doesn't feel like vacation because 1. it's not Christmas weather yet. 2. I still have work--long, long shifts at work.
Today I worked a ten hour shift. I made a lot of deliveries around campus.
My hood was up and the manilla envelopes holding students' finals were shoved under my sweater.

Everyone was complaining about the weather all day. Gloomy.
My purple Chucks were victims of many a puddle. I do agree with my co-workers: Rain blows. But, also, it's beautiful 98% of the time here. On Sunday night I took a writing break and walked a couple blocks to the mailbox. In shorts. When I got home I kicked off my shoes and continued work on our balcony. I feel like it's just rude to complain. Like, I mean, I could have gone without the chilly drips on my cheeks, but Mother Nature can only do so much, can she not?

I guess we always just want things to be how we want things to be.

Clara in AZ

This is when we were both slap happy sleepytown USA.


We climbed a mini mountain Saturday morning!

Clara's visit was SO MANY GREATS!

Highlights:
-Bringing her to my sketch show and improv rehearsal--getting to discuss comedy with her visually artistic brain
-So much good food: Ethiopian, pasties, award-winning macaroons, and more
-Going to a dramatic one-man show and decompressing decompressing
-Singing Celine Dion while running
-Poolside conversations about faith, friendship, trust
-Eating ice cream out of the carton while watching a documentary about eating disorders

Why I Love Clara (A Partial List):
-She is honest and forward about expectations/desires (important for visitors)
-We like junk food
-She disagrees in a compassionate and smart fashion
-She is an optimist big time
-Gratitude is the attitude
-Laughing, laughing, laughing
-Pick-up friends

Ideas Mulling:
-Does "it" matter? If it does, then is doing our best enough? If it doesn't, is doing our best futile?
-There are a lot of things that we expect others to do based on our own concepts of not being interested in the temptation they face
-Being frugal is something to celebrate
-Close your eyes and imagine what you really really want--then go after it

This is the big stuff for now.


We may not reach the ending,
but we can start--
slowly but truly mending,
brick by brick, heart by heart.
Now, even now
we'll start learning how.
We can build a beautiful city--
yes, we can. Yes, we can.

Cell Treasures of the Sierra Madre

My cell contract is up! New phone time! I always liked my phone, but now after researching other phones for hours...I HATE MY STUPID PHONE! My fam went to the store today to trade in, and there was flip-flopping and hemming and hawing, and it was decided we could go back tomorrow, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM A TODDLER AND CANNOT WAIT ONE. MORE. MINUTE.

Isn't that weird how that works? You're like happy and content and then you see all the glory of something newly within your grasp and you're just swimming in desire!

T9? We don't need no stinking T9! Not with a full keyboard!


I had to take all my old photos off my phone, since it will soon be replaced. This is the selection of gummy candies from a candy shop in Wisconsin.

This House Is Not For Sale

Making lists has always been an immediate feel good for me. Lists of things to do, buy, say, be grateful for, people I like, concerts I've seen, etc. It allays my anxieties and feeds my purpose. Sometimes I make lists of things I know I have lists of: best teachers, favorite vacation, worst experiences just to see how things rearrange over time.

Anyway, I started feeling funny during Fiction II today. So I made a list of material things I wish I had.

-a personal game of bananagrams
-stapler
-new Uggs
-every episode of Boy Meets World
-jukebox of primarily Andrew McMahon and Diana Ross records
-the new Zits treasury

Interesting what pops up first in thought. But, you know, it doesn't really matter. I was just trying to relax. Which I did.
Since THE concert, I have been really obsessed with two old SoCo songs--"If I Die" and "21 and Invincible". It's sort of cool to realize that something I've always known and felt lukewarm on could just randomly become something absolutely adored.