Open Air

I'm frustrated by how quickly my Japan cloud dissipated into the mist of work. Just a month ago, I felt transformed. I knew I needed to come home and process, move slowly, think deeper. But because of the guild strike and launching into production of a new project the day after I returned, instead I've been in a cloud. It's been incredible and bad for my mental health.

One month ago was the first breath of our trip. We arrived in Gora, a tiny mountain town. I loved Tokyo, but it was a flashy start to our travels. I was also waking up to piles of work emails, which put me in a mood. As our hotel shuttle rounded the windy forest roads, I felt I could finally exhale.

Our room was absolutely adorable, overlooking a bubbling river. A small wooden onsen on the balcony. Puhg laid down, exhausted. Puhg does everything for our travel. Bookings, plannings, mapping, tickets. I wander around like a clueless toddler sniffing for Hello Kitty stickers while he sweats over each ticket counters and exchange rates. I volunteered to find lunch and trotted out into the village, my heart bursting for the place I just met. Hot stones and salmon buildings, vending machines and thin sidewalks. At the local 7-11 I picked up a handroll and ramen for Puhg, peach drinks and eggs for me. I could have a full (boring) conversation with the cashier, and I could tell she was proud of me for trying my best.

With renewed energy, we made our way to an open-air art museum. I was floored! Every exhibit more interesting than the last! Huge sculptures and social movements and staircases to nowwhere and rainbow squares. It felt like spring! My chest reverberated with understanding in the Picasso building, I stood on a large egg, we took a short break in the gift shop and I marveled at how every place to eat in Japan is so unique. Museum cafes are common in America, but they serve Coke and espresso and chips or maybe a fancy granola bar. I was constantly mesmerized by how precious the snacks were. On April 27th, for example, we had the museum's signature maple ginger soda.

I found a fuzzy caterpillar and brought her to the grass, I looked at the sky through stained glass, I didn't want to go home and then didn't want to go home again.

Songs of 34 (chronological order)

Rock Star -- Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson / a real angry driving song + something completely original

Like A Prayer -- Miley Cyrus / pump up for pitching my sit-com

Minimum Wage -- Blake Shelton / post-shower jam of choice

Ms. California -- Beach Bunny / personal crisis fall

Doctor Jones -- Aqua / hot hot summer beats

Viva Las Vegas -- Elvis / inspired by Elvis phase

My Bar -- Priscilla Block / building confidence when no one is watching

Never Let You Go -- Third Eye Blind / loving the ham & letting the ham go

Sympathy -- The Goo Goo Dolls / out in the world on my own

Saints and Sailors -- Dashboard Confessional / an old sad song made new in fun

Look At Me - The Aquabats / fake it til you make it

Mastermind -- Taylor Swift / well absolute perfection

Rodeo -- Aaron Copeland / truly the most!

I'm Good -- David Guetta / working out

Less Happy More Free -- Ben Lapidus / vulnerability

The Sorcerer's Apprentice -- Stokowski / inspo for the newest play

Dammit -- Skatune Network / toiling on a project that was a total waste of time

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues -- Elton John / inspired by Elton phase

Your Wildest Dreams -- The Moody Blues / big emotions, small dances

Triple 7 -- Japanese Breakfast / Japan

Heaven Is A Place On Earth -- Belinda Carlisle / Japan

Forever & Always -- Taylor Swift / regression but okay

The Archer -- Taylor Swift / create your own

Wish On An Eyelash -- Mallrat / a late but great addition

I made a wish on an eyelash / made a wish on elevens / made a wish on my birthday.

Big & Little

Saturday Puhg and I hiked up toward the Observatory to watch the sunset. An idea I had to shake things up, freshen things up. The lookout was a stupid LA nightmare. There was a TikTokker blasting viral sounds while filming the gorgeous sun, tourists snapping photos and hyping each other up, a lesbian couple making out and blocking the view. Then an ambulance started screaming from the east. Then another from the west. Then a helicopter flew over. By the time the natural wonder ended I was ready to blow up the entire city.

On our walk up I'd seen a fat beetle in the middle of the path. A dog rounded the corner so I put my foot right next to the bug, keeping it safe from paws and licks. The dog passed, Mr. Beetle crawled on. But after the sunset, as we hoofed back down Puhg saw the same type of beetle, but this one was crushed. We sent out a little love to whoever they were, but still the sadness sat. "Now I've gotta move every beetle I see," Puhg muttered.

At home I laid on the bedroom floor and did a meditation. They haven't been working so effectively lately. Popping in my airpods and mentally sailing away used to be a surefire way to reset myself, to worry less, to remember what is important. But for the past couple weeks it's just not working. I try to show up anyway, but Puhg interrupts and pulls me from the void. "We're supposed to be able to see the space station." He'd set an alarm. Apparently we had three minutes.

We trotted to the balcony and peered up. I saw a planet and squinted beyond. "Oh! There it is!" I pointed. There was a very very very faint dot of light far far far away. But when I tried to get Puhg to see, I realized the dot was actually so faded I lost it. A minute in I began to internally pivot. Well, nice to know it's out there. And then Puhg turned around, looked at another portion of the sky--and there it was! Clear as day! A brilliant streak of white zipping by! I immediately teared up. "There are people in there!" Puhg said! We waved to them. "Hi hi hi! We see you!" we shouted. And those people in their station kept going--7000 miles per hour--away away away. They made their way toward our roof. I leaned over the edge as long as I could, until suddenly they were gone.

Thick Toast

"Japanese find great joy in small things," our cab driver explained. He said one might walk up to the mountains, find an herb, and then cook dinner with it. That is great joy. The nature, the simplicity. I nodded, thinking how gathering herbs from the mountains is a common activity in Harvest Moon 64.

We arrived at 5 AM and decided to seize the day, wrangle the jet lag. The train was silent. We had breakfast in the station. Mm the iced latte and toast was three dollars. A stark difference from America. You don't realized how gouged you are until you go somewhere normal. The bread was thick, with a pad of salted butter. A thousand people walked by the window. So the same, most masked, almost no one saying a word.

On our final morning in Tokyo we had breakfast at the same spot. Now older and wiser. There was a mix-up and we accidentally ordered three lattes. I kept saying it was okay, but the barista demanded our credit card. We handed it to her and fifteen minutes later someone came back with it, a return had been made. You just hand over bank cards and leave purse zippers accessible in Japan. You walk down dark alleys and rarely hear loud sounds. When you do, it's never a gun.

I Wish This Were Japan

I can't believe I came back over a week ago. I had the most amazing, magical string of eleven days in my favorite country. A week ago I felt glittery with memories and ideal shifts. Today after an intense work week on the line and in the studio, those feelings have already begun fading. And I don't want to lose any more! So I'm going to dedicate some future question mark amount of blog posts to my experience

The sun crept out after one rainy Kyoto morning. Puhg and I were walking down down the windy brick streets in Gion when we saw a butterfly flitting to a flower. We both stopped and gawked. An older Japanese man paused too. He pointed to the new friend and turned to us, "BUTTERFLY!" he said. And then the critter was gone and we all went on our ways. But it was just so special for some odd reason. "Everybody stops and watches a butterfly," Puhg said.

The Day Began with a Cockroach

The day began with a cockroach. I woke up at 5, stumbled into the bathroom and saw, truly, the biggest cockroach I'd ever seen perched on the shower curtain. And so I had to call out (apologetically) for Puhg to wake up as I kept my eyes fixed on the little guy. After a harrowing chase, Puhg trapped the roach in a wad of paper towel and threw it over the balcony. Then he went back to bed. And I went to the picket line.

Zipped to the studio at sunrise. Grabbed a sign, was assigned a gate, walked back and forth 10-thousand steps with writers I'd never met before until relief came. And the relief was Tira! Hugged my friend I love and never see, jogged to my car thinking I wish I hadn't chatted so long. I'm not gonna have time for coffee. And right then I get a text from AP asking if I'd like Starbucks. I don't want to be a bother but do end up asking if I can have a paper cup instead of plastic. I can't help myself. I blast Taylor Swift all the way to the studio. Once I arrive I change from sweaty pink coveralls and into a dress. We sing "Karma" acapella.

Our trio preps for the day. We record an episode I wrote with such a dream team. They are hilarious. They are hilarious doing my lines! One very sweetly gives me an autograph for Shell and her wife, huge fans. There's a long lag between sessions. The prod co asks if we want to order in for lunch. AP suggests a nice walk. Cowsk, she, and I hit Hollywood. We sit at an open window in the side of salad place and talk about everything but work. It's a chilly day, but a spring day. I sneakily get the check. It's sort of ridiculous because they're them and I'm me, but it's kind of funny and feels right.

The second episode is a complete treat. Four incredibly talented women doing another episode I wrote! I can't believe I am piping in from the mixing room. "That's great TF, but could we try one where you say joke joke joke?" At one point everyone is in tears laughing. I don't even absorb it because I'm so focused on professionalism, but when it's time to validate my parking and steal two Kit Kats from the kitchen, it all floods me. Is this my real life?

I come home to the love of my life, chatter his ear off, post on Instagram, lay in bed, we're watching the Suns. Later I think I'm gonna eat an entire bag of cheese puffs and maybe journal. Or maybe catch up on Succession.