Lucy The

Is everybody special? Lo was irritated with the guy she dated this winter because he thought he was so unique. A 30 year-old white dude who loves movies. When you put it that way of course he's not different from a billion other former film majors in America. But probably in his little Midwestern town he stood out. I remember my friend Fletch went to a Christian college in Missouri and she was known as that "indie artsy girl" because she had "Wes Anderson movies" in her interests on Facebook. In her annoyance with this troubled soul of a man, Lo asked me "Do you think you are normal or weird?" And it felt like a trick because for the context of our discussion it's clear she was saying, "Everyone thinks they're weird when they are actually quite normal." But the honest truth is I do think I am weird. I figure there are more players in the NBA than working writers in Hollywood? I am an adult woman with a hamster? I just bought a non-ironic Hello Kitty face mask? And these are just three surface level examples. I dare not even begin spelunking into the depths of my (I think) weird brain. Doesn't seem normal to me?

I don't think there's anything wrong with being normal, and I don't really wish to not be it. I would like to be normal in more than two dozen ways.

How often should we expect to feel special? I think if you don't feel special sometimes you die. I really do. The magnitude of the specialness differs per person per day, you know? Sometimes you can ride a week off some itty bitty kindness. I bounced for a couple hours after my local barista made my cold brew before the sidewalk hoards' lattes. Like who is she? That mysterious girl in sweat shorts getting her order like Megan Markle? Or maybe it's just having a birthday--even if no one knows it's your birthday. Or maybe it's winning a huge award or getting a great compliment or posting a viral tweet.

Do we top out at feeling special? There are celebs who need far less special than others because they are secure and cozy in their bungalows. Or maybe they just osmosis the special in and don't need to think about it. There are also esteemed heroes who need oceans of special, I'm sure, as they've become numb to the daily joys we plebs have to get by on.

How much is enough? I'm wondering.