Strange, I do
feel there is such a thing
as fate. I know there are so many loose leaf
pages, threads, turn rights versus turn lefts--
that person you met at that office building when you were only half-sure you would show up because of that one thing you googled which caused you to email that guy who invited you there
is singing an NSYNC song with you at karaoke and you're like
out of all possible universal outcomes I am in this one?
Amy Poehler says in her book
(I read it at the library. I was waiting for a parent of a child
I might tutor.) she always knew she would be on SNL.
She had toured the studio at a young age and knew.
There are a lot of ways to explain this.
Motivation is one. The fact that many people have had the same knowing
and not the same outcome
the fate thing.
And sometimes you know things.
And it is useless to argue them.
Like, maybe you get these flashes of someplace warm
and it feels homey
and you end up moving there.
Or maybe you just know that person will cancel.
Will I tutor this child?
Those inexplicable interviews bombed,
jobs granted. Because you knew. Or, you thought not, but
some little grainy piece of mind knew?
Ask you, "Could I be in any other city today? Could I have any other job?"
Whether I like it or not, my answers are always no.
And that makes me feel something,
like I'm in a big hammock.