Spring Break (Finale)

My visit fell right on the eve of Jimbo's final MBA project. He was high off the relief, chattering and springy, so we walked to St. Louis pizza. A new door opened. More proof that you don't have to be around The Institutions for magic to happen. In fact, that's likely a recipe for unhappiness -> disaster -> closed doors.

On Friday I met with undergrad students to talk about working in comedy/writing/whatever my dumb life is. P weird because I am trash 95% of the time, but in answering their questions I was like, "Oh I kind of know some things it turns out and also have been paid to do all the things that were once my dreams, so who knew!" I tried to write in the library, with a homemade poptart as my prize, but I thought about it so much I just ate it and then opened up a word doc and closed it. It's vacation.

At night my mom and I walked around campus. We noticed an observatory tour starting. I noted strargazing was something I did while visiting the college, but I never went as a student. (Ditto eating a giant waffle.) We looked at Jupiter from the singing lens. At the house she whipped up a huge bowl of cream. I put it in a bowl of strawberries. The air is flower-heavy. Mom holds onto a sprig of lavender. In the morning it is brown.

I get ready slowly, taking photos of the dogs, doing a flat abs workout (sunglasses emoji), packing, shoving deviled eggs into my face. We walk to the general store. I'm on the train now. I feel unproductive, but I'm outlining projects and reassessing my focus. That is work I could not bill but work that needs to be done nonetheless. Summer is shaking out and creeping up.

A Few Good Men

Be a supportive person. You have no reason not to be.

At his backyard party Friday, I asked Blue Eyes what summer held. He smiled a "you're not going to like this" and told me the job in Alabama reopened.

Blue Eyes is one of the most supportive people I have ever known. It was bad enough to think he won't be in workshop anymore. I waited until I was outside to slump my shoulders. To breathe the puffy, huffy breaths.

But. I wasn't alone on that suburban street. One: there were stars. And two: this man person to hug me tight and exhale. And three: all the goodbyes I've said before. Never gone.

It's so simple, but it means so much. To be supportive.

You did your best with a hopeless case.

That's ludicrous. You are the best thing about this place.

Spring Awakening

Saw Spring Awakening Friday night. I've had the soundtrack for years, but had never seen it staged. While I love much of it: the concept, the rockin' 90s jamz (Duncan Shiek what UP), there are some things I knew I wouldn't love about it. Mainly, MAINLY have been trying to avoid the line, "Oh, I'm gonna bruise you/Oh, I'm gonna be your bruise" since I first heard it in my earbuds on a Christmas road trip 2008. Woof. But, Ru was in a local production, so I went. Extremely satisfying. (And he was phenomenal. It's very exciting to see one of my artistic friends really making it.)

Thoughts Inspired By the Production:

-In modern times, people must understand their bodies, their urges--sometimes the two in conjunction, sometimes not. Either way, understanding leads to health. Physical and communal.
-Dancing is underrated. I am someone who does not think watching dancing is interesting. But, every time I see great choreography, I am quite pleased. If I as a "theatre person" attach this stigma to dance, consider the layman.
-I applaud Sater and Shiek for exploding out things that we all want to see. Things that are so obvious we didn't even know we all wanted to see! A poppy bunch of adolescents throwing up middle fingers to teachers? Yup. We all want to see that on such a base level no one knew to ask for it.
-I raise my eyebrows at Sater and Shiek for ultra-simplifying the relationship between children and adults in this show. If the point is that we must listen to one another, presenting a completely one-sided argument that adults are unfair and kids are the wise torch-carrier of the future is counter-productive. That's how generations end up feeling superior to the next in the first place.
-No one should want to be seen as unhealthy. And yet, some people do.
-If you play a snappy curtain call song, even if the audience was just subjected to an abortion-caused death, they leave bobbing their heads and smiling. Humans are horrifyingly simple to control.
-I don't care how much game gets talked about the non-linear narrative. Not having an ending to subplots is unacceptable.
-Overall, I've always been a huge fan of this model of theatre. Taking lasting source material and adapting it to current times in a unique and fresh way while maintaining some of the original oak. It's the perfect balance between respecting what has come before and respecting the need for progress in culture.
-We must go on to create a better world.

We walked into the night. Breezy and warm. It's been spring for months in the desert. But, it's official now.

The stars too, they tell of spring returning.

Season Two of Girls (Spoilers)

This fall I was anti-Lena for two reasons:
1. The girl don't actually know what she's talking about. You can't write about being poor and cut-off in NY if YOUR PARENTS FUNDED A MOVIE POST-GRAD. But, I got over this. Because she's doing it well. So, like. I needed to get over that.
2. She's rocking best of both worlds. She's her character Hannah--totes love to hate and poster girl for single, awkward, fun 20s. But in real life, Lena is dating a dang rockstar. Again, cred is shot. What's with these females in TV and movies who are total messes who we can LOVE from our couches and laptops, but in real life are just as glamorous as the stars in People. They just have worse teeth or something, But, again, for me to mandate that Lena stay an unloved troll forever in order to please her fans? Not fair. I was particularly upset by the Donald Glover plot because I just kept thinking, "This is unfair. Donald Glover is way out of Hannah's league. This is not believable at all. You can't show a super-normal girl and ALSO have her nab all da hotties." But WOW, ALICE. That's on ME. Just because that's not "normal" now doesn't mean it can't be! And prolific artists need to be showing us  80% of what is and 20% of what SHOULD be.

-People keep wiggin' about Marnie + Charlie, but don't you see? He's never going to love her again. They are never ever ever. Getting back together. (For real at least).
-Hannah eatin' Cool Whip from the tub. It makes me feel solidarity yet jealousy that we both do this. (Lena Dunham is making a jajillion dollars from it.)
-I GD love Ray. Especially when he asks for a promotion to impress Shosh.
-Shosh was right on about him hating everything, and I can't wait for his transformation.
-Laughed out loud at Hannah's vmail to Jessa.
-"SHIRI OPERATE" was best part.
-Adam's new gf: it's unsettling and incredible that their scene made her normalcy absolutely putrid. I hope we see a little more of how she is warranted in her demands for respect.
-My heart was absolutely fluttering when Adam kicked down the door. Even though they're stupid together, sometimes impermanence is good for the time being. My editor tweeted yesterday, "For me the season finale of Girls was about making a bad decision, knowing it was a bad decision, but feeling good in that moment." And I so agree.
-So many people are so close to us, and, yet, the person who really tells you what's what is probably your ex-junkie neighbor.
-The credits rolled to fun. A nod to real life romance. I dig it. I do.

That Magic Moon: E-mail from my Dad

Hello Alice!

I read your blog this morning.

I was looking at the moon too, last night. The same one as you, I believe. I was coming out of the library and there it was, a crescent hanging over the treeline across the street in the western sky. To the upper right of it there was another bright light in the sky. I wondered what it was. It wasn't moving and I thought maybe it was a planet. So, I fired up the iPhone Star Walk app, got a fix on the moon and tried to figure it out. It was overcast. All I could see was the moon and the bright light. But of course the app showed all the stars. I guess that was a reminder that the stars, like so many things, are in their places even when you cannot see them. Other people were coming out of the library and no doubt saw me on the steps holding my cell phone skyward with both hands while the screen twinkled and spooky music played. Oh my.

Love you,

Dad

My dad in Germany. June 2011.


I see the moon and the moon sees me. The moon sees somebody I'd like to see. So God bless the moon, and God bless me, and God bless the somebody I'd like to see.

True Meaning of Christmas

This morning I was sitting in church, and I was thinking about The True Meaning of Christmas. I think Jesus was a real neat dude. I know, I know, there's a good chance you probably don't believe he existed, and my theory is I don't really care. I like the guy--fiction or non, and I think we could learn a lot from his* lessons.

But I really don't think Christmas means Jesus to me. A. He probably wasn't really born December 25th. B. We should think about being good people all year (what I think Jesus symbolizes--or should). I don't love Christmas. I really don't. I like the build-up--like the songs and color schemes, but I find it a lame, sluggish, stressful, consumerist holiday BAGGGGH. I KNOW I RUIN EVERYTHING. Still, if I celebrate it, it should mean something. And, I think it does, but I don't know what exactly. Maybe family, I think. Something about it. Something about good cheer. I do believe in that. Peace--yes, I think peace is part of it. Bill Murray's Scrooged, stars, cute depictions of manger scenes, cookies, cartoon trees, George Bailey. I'm very very blessed to have my family.

I was icky sick on the drive from Pookie's to my dad's, so they drove. I sat in the front seat while my dad drove ahead in my car. After a while my sister's phone rang--"Checking on the Pookie," he said. My sister rubbed my neck.

Yesterday night I got to my mom's apartment in the city. "Voila!" she said. I had forgotten I had sent her a recipe for pumpkin cheesecake I found online. SHE HAD MADE IT. A great surprise.


Baker's Square French Silk.

*Purposeful non-capitalization.

Bloody Mary

Tonight Big Taco was here. He is en route to a new life in a new city. He has been promising me a ghost story for almost a year, so tonight he came over. It was good to see him--this guy who used to b a good friend. College is funny like that. One quarter you eat dinner every day together, and then you see each other a couple times a month in passing, and then one of you leaves, and then you may never have a traditional spooky story telling night again.

Tonight Big Taco came over to tell me about eerie things that happened to him while he was living in Alaska last year. As to not bother Wiz who does not like scary things, we decided to go into the bathroom and turn off the lights. We were in there no longer than twenty seconds before he said, "I don't like bathrooms without the lights on because of Bloody Mary--" and before he had even finished speaking I had bolted out into the light, banging my knee in the process, and he was right behind me. Exploding from the tile and rustling shower curtain. We howled with laugher, amazed we could be so scared in under a minute. Roommates Wyn and LC heard and came out. What? What's this? We explained and they grinned--also fans of the macabre.

We sat in a circle on the floor of LC's bedroom and scared ourselves silly. I just realized something about myself: I'm really happy when I am scared. I always knew I liked scary stuff, but I am actually really happy when I expose myself to scary stuff. Internally, I checked in as my heart was stomping. I was frightened and happy.

I died so I could haunt you.

Real Gold Two Years Ago

But I'm still in your blood.
You're still in my blood.



I can't take it 'cos I just want you back.
I just want you back.