Thursday, June 26, 2014

Busty Women Running Are Actually Americas Greatest Heroes

If you think about it, there's really nothing more heroic.

-Moms that pick up cars because their babies are under them, yes, amazing, but that's a reaction born of instinct. And duh you don't want a baby squash.
-Firefighters. Pretty heroic, but it's also their job. That's what they do for money. To pay da bills. When it comes time to jump in the smoked out condo, they don't have a choice.
-Soldiers. Similar to firefighters.
-Whistleblowers at shady companies. It's probably more likely you'll get a movie made about you than have your life ruined.
-People without appendages who compete in Special Olympics. You gotta do this if you're gonna not be a sad sack with no legs. Like, you just gotta.

Which brings us back to my original thesis. If you're a busty lady, A you didn't choose it and you can't really unchoose it. It's not your job. You might get a benefit here and there but I would guess the cons grossly outweigh. (Buttoning up shirts, cat calls, shopping crises.)

B you don't have to work out. You don't. Because no one HAS to work out and a lot of people don't. But you are doin it. You're out there on the Lake Michigan Trail plodding along tryna stay in some kinda shape just because it's good for you and you want to be healthy for yourself, friends, and family.

It is so easy to not work out. You can be halfway out the door for a jog and then hear an episode of Fraiser coming on and it's curtains for those calories. But you, you busty lady you, you have strength I do not have. You got around all of life's usual distraction AND your own massive enemies. If I was gearing up and part of my outfit was a steel-cut brassiere that is still gonna give way to my unbearable chest, practically breaking my back with every hop but simultaneously cutting into my mid-waist fat because it's trying to hold things together, I would straight up never ever workout.

So cheers, ma'ams. You are my heroes.

No comments: