Ghoul's Night

(LIGHTS UP on FIVE GIRLS--RO, SHELLS, ALICE, KALE, AND PAKE in a CAR, en route to an abandoned motel in Phoenix.)

RO: You guys, I'm looking up skin walkers right now on Wikipedia.
SHELLS: How is that scary?
ALICE: ...because Wikipedia is hAuNtEd! OoOoO!
PAKE: Wicked-pedia.
       (KALE laughs.)
RO: Well, that wasn't scary. I'm redoing my Google search.
ALICE:...You mean...hAuNtEd Google? (Beat.) Boo-gle!
       (KALE laugh.)
RO: ...Is Ya-ghoul good? I can't tell.
SHELLS: No.
ALICE: Hey, guys, what's a ghost's favorite board game?
        (Beat.)
PAKE: Scattergories?
KALE: Boo-gle? As in Boggle?
ALICE: (Bitter someone got her Boggle joke.) Ouija Board, idiots!
PAKE: I dunno. I thought mine was pretty good.
ALICE: What's haunted about Scattergories?
PAKE: I dunno! It's just a fun-ass game!

(GIRLS drive off into the distance. FADE TO BLACK.)

Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish Graham Crackers

So, this blog has become a makeshift center for reviewing specialty noms. When I saw vanilla cupcake goldfish at the store there was like a 1% chance I would leave without them. Today:

Goldfish in the AM.

Om nom.

They're not goldfish consistency--just shape. They are a heavy graham cracker texture/taste, and there's nothing cupcake about them. They are graham crackers with some pinkish sprinkles on them.

I mean, I had a good time, but they were not what they advertised to be.

Taste: A

Honesty: D

My Apparent Health Lately As This Was Breakfast: F+

Pizza Monster

This one time this summer I freaked out so intensely at one of my improv classmates for not knowing the way to the pizza place we were going to when she said she did that she likened it to the scene in The Blair Witch Project where the teenagers lose the map.

My female improv classmates.

"I am a pizzatarian."--Yatchface, 2010

A Bad Poem from the Heart

I think of you when I pass the Game Stop
the one on Harlem next to the store with the picture of the Egg.
I think of you when I pass the Game Stop--
which used to be fairly often when I lived in Chicago,
and even when I lived in St. Louis,
because it's south of suburbia and on the way.
It was a sign of good things to come--
getting home. I didn't like it in that half-lived in house
(my room, freshly painted with the new carpet I had picked out,
gutted besides one creaky twin)
but getting out of a car is getting out a car,
and I always did like our driveway. No,
I liked the rusted lamppost with our last name stuck on.
Anyway, it was the homestretch when I passed your old work.
I know I visited you there once. Why? Why?
I can't remember.

Chicago. September 2012.

I haven't been on that forever road headed north in three years.
So instead I think of the Game Stop when I think of you.
I love you and I miss you,
and if there was a time to believe in heaven
it is now.

Four Einstein Quotes

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

"Love is a better teacher than duty."

"You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created."

"We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings."

Ze Hungare Games

Boy, do I flip my lid when it comes to The Hunger Games. I just enjoyed the books so much. They were a great distraction during finals last year, and I do, I have a major crush on Peeta. There's a poster on my wall.

So, imagine my extreme freak-out when during our improv show Thursday I heard someone yell out "Gamemakers!" when Skars asked the audience for a suggestion of a relationship for the two actors on stage. It had been Kale Jr. I jumped out from behind the flat and pointed to her! OMG GAME MAKERS! I yelped! Skars went with "Grocery  store employees." WHATEVER, CRUSH MY DREAMS.

I texted Kale Jr. today--
ME: Lol at you suggesting Gamemakers Thursday.
ME: Best part of [the season] so far.
KJ: The best part is that I actually said "gay neighbors."

I hate my ears. And my thorough knowledge of all things Katniss.

(SVC gets me though.)

Why I Love My iPad Even Though I Thought They Were Stupid at First

WARNING: If you don't care about iPads, this post is not interesting!

"I can't believe you have an iPad...it's just so mainstream consumerist of you!:)"--E-mail from Dunt, October 10th, 6:53 PM in response to my "Sent from my iPad" sign-off

She's not wrong. I myself thought iPads were flat-out dumb when they first came out. "So, it's a computer...but worse that's 'easier to hold'?" I was not impressed. But, then, something big happened in my life: I started grad school. More specifically: I started biking a couple miles to grad school every day. In college I almost never brought my computer to class. I like to take notes by hand, and I like to be present (not on Facebook, which, as a TA in giant lecture classes, I am hugely aware is actually what every undergrad student is actually minoring in). But, in grad school, I need my computer. Like...all the time. Lots of PDFs for classes, peer plays I have to  read, student e-mails that flood my school inbox like stoner freshmen at the 24-hour Taco Bell.

Carrying my computer on my back to school every day was heavy, sure, but it was also scary. I haven't fallen off my bike once since I moved here (which is actually pretty dang amazing considering it's my main form of transportation and I'm not, like, the most graceful person in the Milky Way Galaxy), but I could any day. I could wobble and lose my bearings and fall onto the sidewalk...and my backpack could drop off my shoulders...right under a car tire. Crunch. Buh-bye, MacBook. The idea concerned me. If I lost my computer, it would be a nightmare for me to continue with school. I'd have the library computers--often crowded and questionable working environment...and that'd be it. MAYBE I could do SOME research (if I needed to) on my phone. As long as I was researching, like, Twitter and Instagram.

Anyway, I recognized last year I needed to start protecting my computer more. It should stay at home as often as humanly possible...I needed something else to allow me to read scripts from for playwrights' workshop, something that would allow me easy access to the internet, I grimaced and recognized I am the perfect candidate for an iPad.

My whole family pooled together to give it me for Christmas.I didn't even open the dang box for weeks. I wasn't excited about the toy. I hate electronics. On the first day of school, I sliced open the plastic wrap. And then I downloaded all my textbooks into the Kindle app. And then I biked to school NOT hunched over, NOT fearing for my computer's life. I biked to school with a tiny little screen in my backpack, a notebook, and that's IT. Cue "Freedom 90" by George Michael.

Here's What Else I Love about My iPad:

1. E-books are easy to buy (no trip to the store--handy if you don't have a car).

2. They are also supes eco-friendly.

3. I watch Netflix while running on the treadmill at the gym. This is amazing. I knock out my "relax veg out" time and work-out time at the same time.

4. I prop it up in the kitchen and easily read recipes off of it.

5. I prop it up like a boombox anywhere I go and play Pandora on it.

6. When it's slow at work, I am able to get up and help students much quicker with an iPad on my lap than a computer on my lap.

7.  Okay. This is a bit ridiculous...but whatever, I do it: I set up my laptop and my iPad side by side in my bedroom and watch One Tree Hill on my iPad while simultaneously doing Jillian work-out DVDs on my computer. I have the power, I might as well wield it!

8. I can walk around my condo and FaceTime.

This summer, I wasn't in school, and I didn't touch the dang pad for three months. But, now, it's again the love of my life. No, really, I spent more time with my iPad than any human. HAHAHA IT'S FINE JUST DYING ALONE WHATEVER.