Rice Krispies Mad Men, Y'all Be Smart!

Today in Screenwriting someone mentioned the movie Flipper, and I immediately wanted a bowl of Rice Krispies. Not weird or a coincidence. It has happened my entire life. Luckily, people don't mention Flipper that much.

I know exactly where it comes from. I have a memory, clear as day, of the blue and white-floral plastic tablecloth under my hands, a bowl of Rice Krispies in front of me, the wooden chair under my butt. I was staring at the cereal box. On the back was an ad for Flipper including a send-in-this-box-top-for-a-Flipper-watch deal. My dad did send in the boxtop. I did have the Snap, Crackle, and Pop water watch.

It has been almost two decades, and that ad campaign is still zinging me. Geniuses. Geniuses. Our actions last a long time. Also, who would like to deliver some Rice Krispy Treats to my house?

New Marketing Plan

It has come to my attention that a lot of people's image problems (body, fashion, race) stem from advertising. Skinny models, trendy-looking teens, white families, etc. for all products--not even inherently image ones. Like, hotties are shown next to everything from diamond rings to toilet brushes. It's really just too much. So I have an alternate marketing plan.

I propose that advertisements cannot involve people anymore. Just the product. No people eating the bagels, just a bag of bagels. No people calling on cell phones, just the phone. No emergency dispatchers, just text "emergency dispatcher service." If the advertisement absolutely needs a sentient being, it can use Grimace. You know. The purple blob in tennis shoes from the McDonald's gang? If you must sell cars with people driving them, you can have a couple of Grimaces. If you have got to put the new sweaters on a thing, put them on a Grimace. If you want to use comedy or a voice over, uses Grimaces doing sketch or a Grimace voice.

I think everyone would be much happier. And products would be bought on their legitimate merit instead of a subliminal code about how attractive the actor was. Seriously, name one problem with this plan. Who's with me?

Chanel No. Five

Saw a Chanel ad yesterday on Hulu that superimposed a Marilyn Monroe quote about wearing No. Five to bed onto old black and white photos of her. It's not a surprise her presence long recedes her--the woman was an icon. But it sort of blew my mind that that little part of her entire life has receded so far into the future. The bombshell used Chanel No. Five. Marketable info for decades.

I wonder how heavily Marilyn considered taking on that ad campaign. Maybe she really did love Chanel No. Five, and she was happy to support it. Maybe she looked at all the zeros on the contract and happily signed away, a foster kid from the 30s. There's a slight chance she didn't want to degrade herself to a commercial, but it was a ritzy one. So? I wonder if it ran through her mind, "It's just a commercial, what does it matter in the course of my life?" Little did she know she didn't even have much life left. Or maybe she did know, and that was the point. Regardless, maybe she knew when she passed at age 36 we'd still be talking about her fifty years later. But even if she did, could she have imagined me? A 90s kid watching her ghost rep perfume and womanhood in general? I don't know the person who invented the creative behind the ad to begin with. He might be dead too. Could he picture me? Just because he has no face or name to the world at large doesn't mean what he did doesn't matter. It matters big. Or at least it did yesterday morning when I thought all these things in conjunction to his work. Legacy is part of the American Dream. A problematic, unhappiness suck of a black hole. But legacy need not be sought. It is part of existing.

Friends hula-hooping. November 2013.

Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish Graham Crackers

So, this blog has become a makeshift center for reviewing specialty noms. When I saw vanilla cupcake goldfish at the store there was like a 1% chance I would leave without them. Today:

Goldfish in the AM.

Om nom.

They're not goldfish consistency--just shape. They are a heavy graham cracker texture/taste, and there's nothing cupcake about them. They are graham crackers with some pinkish sprinkles on them.

I mean, I had a good time, but they were not what they advertised to be.

Taste: A

Honesty: D

My Apparent Health Lately As This Was Breakfast: F+

La Croix Makes Everything Better

La Croix: for Head Counselors, June 2012

Gay Ads, Whatever It Takes, Asberg Movie Endings, Packing (Or Not), Unique Dinner

1. I can't think of any advertisements featuring a gay couple. Obvi, no brand wants to be known as "The Laundry Detergent for Gays!" but, really, come on. Every faux group at an advertised restaurant looks like the freakin' UN. Can we get some gay love up in here or what?

2. I love Degrassi.

3. Another long day at the testing center--beginning with a very long conversation with a student with Asbergers. His thesis: Twilight is a bad movie. Later he told me his favorite movies and wanted to tell me the end of them all. I said "Oh, no! Please don't." And he literally said, "I have to. I have to tell you." For someone who doesn't even like watching movie previews, this clearly disturbed me. Eventually, he started talking about who should be allowed to create art in this world (not serial killers). And I actually have a really strong opinion about this...and I just started to get so upset. KID, STOP TALKING OVER ME AND STOP SAYING SOME PEOPLE DON'T DESERVE TO PAINT AND STOP SAYING JOHN WAYNE GACY IS THE WORST BECAUSE MEANWHILE THERE IS A MEAT INDUSTRY. So, I got short and started texting obviously as if to say This Convo Is Finito. And he got the hint after a few more attempts at conversation, and then he started talking to someone else. I don't know, am I horrible? I just...I just think even if you have a mental issue, you still shouldn't decide if someone else with a sicker mental issue is allowed to paint or not.

4. I do not want to pack even though I am quite excited to be in California tomorrow for family holiday reunion bonanza bash explosion party woop woop! Nope. Even that ridic string of shindig vocab did not enthuse me to pack.

5. Dinner: Wheat tortilla, spread with peanut cashew almond butter, stuffed with broccoli. Iron Chef--literally. So much iron.