Wedding Ruminations/ Continuation of Friendship

My brain was very busy while I watched Spiff and his lady tie the knot this weekend. The talk of forever and faithful and love is sometimes just a lot, and emotions can creep up the ol' windpipe. But sometimes you're just kind of biding your time until you can get a big glass of pineapple juice.

Seeing two people in this vulnerable romance cloud made me love them. I know that's not the point of weddings, but it is what happened. And then there was a moment of grief. Like, there they go, off into the sunset, leaving all of us here who have loved them with the scorpions I guess.

Then I had coffee with Cobra who takes everything too far with "love." She can't seem to talk to a male without wondering if they will somehow become lovers. If he lusts after her. She has fantasies and stays too long in the professors office or questions her motives around coupled friends. It's exciting, but it's also highly distracting. She told me about how last year a friend's boyfriend started making moves in a hot tub. She said, "Well, what would you have done?!" I said, "My goodness, I would have said, 'Oops, you accidentally grazed my knee.'" It would not occur to me that someone was trying to cheat.

"What I could do if I were you!" she exclaimed, curly hair like a lioness mane. Leaned back, gulping for air. "I could have written so many novels in the time I've been wasting thinking about men." All of my relationships are professional. I always get to the point. I like males classmates and Bisque's friends and students and the guy ringing me up at Jewel because I don't have an interest in any of them. Really the only danger is what it can look like. Maybe it's leftover from my dinko college days when sitting alone at a booth with a new pal looked fishy and word spread like jelly.

In that sense, I have a newfound adoration for the institution of marriage. You are safe in there. You the married person and you the person who wants to love everyone. You are an innocent soul with a big heart and desire for friendship. That's all it has to be because the rings proves it to be true.

People don't die at the alter. They're under new conditions. Less vague, cut and pasted with someone, out of business in one sense and opening in another.

After I gave my speech at the college graduation a girl who had always been just on the outskirts of my friends and activities found me in the crowd. "I really liked what you said," she told me, "and I look forward to becoming friends one day." But this is over, I thought! You dodo, that was a graduation speech. Curtains! Moreover, that girl lives in Germany! Like, in what parallel land was there any chance or time for us? Still, nice thought.

That winter she went to a theatre festival with me. We were both going through strange break-ups and bonded instantly. We sang, advised, analyzed with each other for five days. She had said it could happen, and it was so.

Vegan Month 2013

My 5th Vegan Month has come to a close! It was a tremendous success.

General News:

-January is pretty low holiday/special event-filled holiday. An island in the seas of Reese's Trees and Hearts.
-My school and work schedule is actually made so I can eat a distinct lunch and dinner every day. It is so much simpler to be vegan if you can actually sit down and eat planned filling food. Constant snacking as a vegan just makes you slowly loathe mixed nuts.
-Every time I do it, more people remember and more people are excited to help in my dining needs. The conversation flows from "Let's get pizza. Oh, you can't." to "I found a place where you can get vegan pizza! We should go!" If you are happy about your commitments, I find people are generally happy to help you succeed at them. Pals joined me for no less than four vegan milkshakes during the month. Hill made veggie chili for our standing lunch date. Ro found vegan almond joys.
-I live within a two mile radius from amazing Thai, Indian, Med, Ethiopian, etc. Going out is not difficult.
-Whereas in the past I have had near (and, let's be real, actual) meltdowns over desserts, this year I was pre-emptive in sweet tooth cravings. I made huge batches of vegan treats and slowly ate through them during the week. I never felt lack. Lack is the devil's device, and removing that concept is key in...probably everything.
-I cheated twice. Once on accident. Once on purpose. I'm okay with that.

Moving Forward:

In previous years I have missed certain foods very much, but, at the same time, I have lost the desire for others. Like, I don't drink milk. I never have cheese in the house. I look at contents of soup cans. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. This year I missed almost nothing. Really. Vegan month felt simple, freeing, joyful. I knew after this month veganism would be the rule and animal products the exception to it. Since the official date, most of my days are still all-veg, and the days that aren't often only include one cheat.

What I Eat:

-Endless combinations of beans + salsa, beans + marinara
-Tortillas filled with nut butter and fruit
-Oatmeal piled high with cinnamon and berries and cashews
-At school burritos without sour cream or pitas stuffed with falafel
-Hummus and veggies
-Salad with balsamic dressing
-Bagels and peanut butter and bananas
-Wheat pasta/rice and veggies
-Vegan cookie dough dip and cake puffs
-Soups!

It's not hard at all. I feel fresher, healthier, happier, more ethical!

But, Some Fun:

At midnight on the last day of Vegan January, Bisque presented me with a banoffee pie, which, despite everything I just said, I ate ravenously. The next morning in class, Hill pulled out a brown paper Dunkin bag with "Welcome to dessert month" written on it. Inside was a heart-shaped pink donut--three of my favorite things in one pastry.

 

It IS nice to have a planned bruchetta date with Ro and Shells. Sometimes, for the sake of culture, you gotta enjoy a lil goat cheese and tomato jam.

Another Vegan Month Over

My annual vegan month closed out on Monday. Last year Vegan April was a struggle for me. I found myself fantasizing about non-vegan snacks a LOT--snacks that I didn't even eat frequently.

On my drive to 25th Annual...Spelling Bee rehearsal, I passed a huge strip of fast food places, and I remember thinking, "I want a milkshake from every one of these chains. I swear to all that is dairy, I am living a deleted scene of The Odyssey."

But this month, I was actually so cozy in Vegan April, I honestly forgot about it. Notes on the experience:

1. This year, I've been mostly vegan, so most of my meals didn't change. I have huge thanks to give to peanut butter tortillas, Taco Bell bean burritos, Ethiopian food, and hummus.
2. I now have two vegan friends and a collection of sympathetic vegetarians. People are not just tolerant of my veganness--they consider it when we make plans, make food. It's not just about your ethical eating choices--you influence an entire community.
3. I continue to be interested in freeganing, but it's really not my favorite. I find when I freegan, I am less satisfied with meals since it's little bits here and there instead of something whole and satisfying.
4. Unlike previous years, I had access to vegan ice cream--which is huge.
5. I cheated twice.
     A. I made up my mind to eat a milk chocolate bunny for Easter. It was a gift, so it's not like I bought it, but if I hadn't eaten it in April, I would have eaten it in May, so I felt confident in my choice to nom it.
     B. Last week, I had an insane craving for french fries and a milkshake. I was working an twelve hour shift, and I could not imagine any other dinner. I decided to enjoy the crave and vowed to do a vegan makeup in May (maybe a cop-out since many of my days are vegan). I don't think this is that bad either. I told someone about this, and she said, "See? What if I were a vegetarian except I ate meat just once a month!?" And I said, "That would be awesome." Because it would. It's about doing the best you can. But REALLY doing the best you can. It was a conscious choice that I considered for literally hours when I cheated--if everyone took that much respect to the foods we eat, we'd live in a much better world.
6. I continue to respect veganism, but there are a few things that hold me back from the full commitment:
     A. It's very hard for me to pass up baked goods other people make, but, I did it all month, so not that hard. What I think is actually worse is that the sweets I eat are worse than if I just ate non-vegan dessert. IE I will eat literally 30 Oreos in a sitting, when I'd be much more satisfied with 1 non-vegan brownie.
     B. I only like non-vegan salad dressing, and it seems counter-productive to my health to give up salads in the name of veganism.
7. I've lost most interest in milk, most cheese (besides pizza), and while I like eggs, I'm sane about losing them.
8. If you are reading this, please consider how you can change just one thing in your diet temporarily. You will probably find it can be permanent--or at least, a rarity.