Gym Rat

CNN with closed captioning on. Chlorine and carpet floors. Lines of lockers. Sticky sweat rice around my collarbone. Hood up, kicks on, headphones in, out the door. Towel bins. Tile steam room. A wet hot vacuum, swallowed up whole. Pull extra hard on the suction door. Gasp at the coconut air, designer soap. Glass shower doors. Back into the night. Comedy club marquis dotting around. Salon with blinky lights. Baked chicken and pop music wafting from Brazilian Bowl.

Things I'd Like If I Were Very Rich

If I were very very rich, I wouldn't quit working, and I wouldn't want a fancy sports car. I probably wouldn't want any car still. I would go on some trips, but I wouldn't disappear and travel for a month right now. Not when there's so much happening. If I were very rich, this is what I'd want:

-a daily massage
-to take more cabs
-to have a room for a treadmill and yoga mats
-to join the fanciest gym classes
-court-side seats to the Bulls
-a plethora of Subway gift cards in my pockets for all the hungry people
-a big fancy shower
-a hot tub, or easy access to one
-to turn up the heat about two more degrees
-a standing cruise vacation with all my friends
-Shirley Temples at every comedy show forever and ever

Finals Tradition

Every spring of grad school, the night I complete my grading, I go swimming, sit in the hot tub, cook mac & cheese, and eat a huge Reeses's product over a TV show I have been saving for the celebratory occasion.

I took this photo after I had eaten Kraft pumpkin-shaped mac, watched Girls, and consumed a rabbit. I was noting how full I felt, and also my tan lines from sunning with my finals notes.

Last year. Velveeta Shells & Cheese, half-price Reese's egg, SNL.

Tuesday. Annie's Organic Cheddar Mac, full-price Reese's egg, Mad Men. I don't live in the condo with the pool anymore, so I snuck in. 

I look different in each because I am.

I watch the ripples change their size,

but never leave the stream.

26 Snapshots of Spring Semester 2013

Kath sitting on my pool deck, legs in.

Accentuating attendance policy questions with minor piano chords.

All the women in the hot tub talkin' Italians.

Kissing Bisque at the orange patterned crossroad in my neighborhood.

Educational bug website always open on my iPhone.

Ro egg shaking in her backyard of lights and bikes.

I have finally seen the light. I have finally realized what you mean.

Salmon cardigan. Jean jacket. Chestnut Uggs. Blue Andy sweatshirt.

Palgrave open. Red and white sprinkled cookies on the table.

Boy with huge eyes yelling, "SOMEONE HAND ME A COMPUTER."

Three hour brunch on a Monday.

Cobra stretched out across Ethiopian carpet, peekin all the guys.

Beasts of the Southern Wild on living room sofa, nose stuffy.

Fishtail braiding Muffy's hair.

Tearing up alone in the ugliest hallway, texts from Jamin.

The honest voice of Sitch. The honest questions of adulthood. The cold.

The best improv set in a hotel room for four people.

"But you're not trying not to be."

Balcony monologue aloud. Wood floors.

Slow swing of Ru's body during "Touch Me."

Falafel crumbs on the steps behind the lecture hall.

Four lovers all wearing the same deodorant in Whole Foods.

Planner open to July. Pencil marks everywhere.

Huge room, four professors, vegan cake puffs center stage.

Looking down at a greased peel. Unwashed hair.

Straw Dog day, kicking around gravel, holding the phone.

State of the Alice

Two sugar cookies and imitation crab for dinner in the grocery store.

Currently wearing underwear and a bikini top reading about eroticism.

Haven't made my bed in two days.

Dove Promises were in my bridal shower gift jar from Phyl's wedding.

There was also a generic "fresh"-scented candle in the jar.

One bite and I knew all the candy was poisoned by the musk.

Ate it anyway because I was on my period and watching Girls.

The Promise said, "It's okay to have flaws!"

GD, DOVE! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ASKING FOR PERMISSION?

Wasser

A moment of appreciation for water. Life is truly a miracle. Not only is my civilized life a miracle in that this magical fluid lives inside metal cylinders ready for my every need, but Life as we know it on Earth is a miracle because there is this substance that cleanses, that hydrates, that in different forms both  floated and sunk the Titanic.

I am so grateful for water right now. I am in a sleepy slump--still behind a giant paper mill of grading, but also in bed--with wet hair from rinsing on the account of chlorine in my hot tub, which Bug and I just melted into after nomming on the s'mores bars I made. A plastic movie theatre cup on my bedstand--full of the stuff.

Lil melon I picked up at the farmer's market in September. Had to bike home with it.

So I hope I never see the ocean again,
pushing and pulling at me as I go deeper and deeper in--

'til I'm so far from my shore, so far from what I came here for.
I let you surround me.
I let you drown me out with your din,
and then I learned how to swim.

Always Stay Fresh

There is a sub-club in my sketch comedy team. We call ourselves ASF, which means Always Stay Fresh, but as you get deeper into the club, perhaps things aren't always what they seem.

Kale, Sid, and I went for vegan milkshakes last week, and we decided to form an ethical eating club. All are welcome as long as participants are open to changing their diets. Tonight's meeting was held in my hot tub. We passed around coconut milk ice cream and peanut butter Newman O's. Om nom nom. We had one guest--Curly--who chatted with us about ethical eating and who has promised to be meat-free for one week.

It was a great night. I can't believe it's January and I prance around my pool in my pink lemonade two piece. We discussed many things, but one of my very favorite things discussed was how absolutely weird my body is. Like how I can function wonderfully on three hours of sleep, or how I could eat the whole pack of Newman O's in one go. Sid said, "Out of everyone I know, I'd be least surprised to find out you weren't a human. Like, if scientists did tests and found you had an ice cream heart, I wouldn't be surprised."


Sid with a vegan cookie from a sketchy vegan cafe in Phoenix. Last week.

Mia and I Rented Camp Rock and Funny Games for Viewing with Spencey and We Watched Funny Games First:

Spencey: I never thought I'd say this...but can we watch Camp Rock now?


Four years ago today--Me&Vince


Time is blowing my mind. I can't believe I'm probably done with my camp experience. I can't believe it was only four years ago I was starting college...that's no time. Okay. That's enough nostalgia. Less nostalgia, more donuts. New motto.

To Do Today:
-Call Human Resources for my new job and start getting things done with that
-Pedicure appointment (goodbye nasty camp feet)
-Read
-Get Ordained

We gon' light it up like it's dynamite.

Literally

Quite literally, I have been waiting years to have a Falling Star '99 reunion outside of camp. Deuces, yatches.


Wizzy and I, 4th of July, 2007