Little Feeling of Freedom

Hunny texted me to ask if I had seen the video Taylor Swift put on her Insta tonight. Apparently she was hosting her best friend's birthday, so she hired a member of Dashboard Confessional to sing an old favorite song of theirs live. The song is "Hands Down"--an old fave of me an Hunny's also. Aw, it's like, their friendship is the same as our friendship. Except for a few million dollars. I went to the Instagram account and immediately remembered why I wasn't following it. Taylor Swift's life in pictures makes me hate mine.

In reality, I'm doing pretty well, and I am generally happy. I wouldn't ask for much to be different right now. I think I'm where I need to be. But...maybe I could have a mansion and hire rock stars for fun and also have very cute blond hair. I KNOW for a FACT, it's not as easy or exciting as it seems in pictures. I KNOW, but it's so hard to believe when all the squares are just so.

Why do I follow any celebrities on Instagram? I guess I figured I liked them so I would like seeing them? But, um, hold on, can we talk about how destructive that is. Waiting for the bus, casually scroll through people way richer and skinnier and "loved" than you. And then go on with your life. It seems like a highly unhealthy way to pass time throughout the day.

I have stopped following all the celebs I did on Instagram. I wondered, "But I want to keep up." With WHAT? I'm going to see the TV Show/movie/hear the record etc. I don't need to see the boats and the trip to Europe and the new headshot with fifty thousand comments. There are other things that are more important! Look at those.

A Thing I Kind Of Get (But Only Kind Of)

Before I even got to camp my first summer, I wanted to learn how to sail. Then, when I arrived, I learned you had to be thirteen. I was twelve. Blast.

There was something ABOUT those little boats on the lake. They looked so peaceful, but also fun, and also colorful! I wanted to be on them. We (collectively as children) had been drawing them with triangles and half-circles for years on penciled waves.

Two summers later, I finally grabbed one of the coveted six spots in the sailing double period. The counselor sat us in the sand and explained the very very very basic overview of the sport. I was completely lost, the terms "mast" and the effects of wind on cloth sailing over my head. (Pun unavoidable.) We hefted those gnarly wooden blocks out to sea, awkwardly slumped into them, ducked, leaned, and I never signed up to sail again.

What compels us to set sail? The freedom? The wind? What's so good about wind anyway? Is it the Jesus thing? The walking on water? (This is all true of waterskiing too--which is glorified standing that people flip for.) Water: it's what we're made of. It's free in every restaurant. We want to be on it.

This is a thing I can only kind of get.

My first Michigan sunset of 2013.

And somebody told me that this is the place

where everything's better and everything's safe.

Walk on the ocean. Step on the stones.

Flesh becomes water. Wood becomes bone.

70 in January

It's probably what an orange feels like when someone finally opens it.
Yes, the skin must be pierced
and peeled, but when it's opened so is the entire world.
Everything is Vitamin C--
no, not graduation--
just the spirit
of something.
Even the little wedges cry out
in spit mist,
"We are free!
We are free!"

Bye, Bin Laden

Face Chomping in 2010

On the second of May, I always listen to Brave Saint Saturn's "Independence Day."
My away message on iChat was, "I can think of better synonyms for fear."

ME: Do you know what my Away is from?
POOKIE: hmm
it sounds familiar
it feels like a musical
buuuut
also ani
dunno
what is it?
ME: Next line:
Hope your life is great, I hope its been a wonderful year.
Waiting everyday.
Staring at the phone.
POOKIE: jesus
christ
i feel so empty and alone
YEAH YEAH
INDEPENDENCE DAY
2ND OF MAY!
TODAYY!
ME: YAYYYYY!
POOLIE: ugh
i'm looking for a line from that song to post as my fb status
but they will all sound like political commentaries today
ME: I know!
I KNOW!
DON'T THINK IT WASN'T HARD.

Freedom never came for free.

Freedom!

Great inspiration for today--
We're all familiar enough with "Truth makes man free." I believe it fully. But, I always think "free" as in the noun. Being truthful, experiencing Truth, makes me to be free! But, try this on for size my friend! "Truth makes man free" as in a VERB! Blew your mind open?! Yes, it's true either way you slice it. Being truthful lights a passion within you to let others share perfection and freedom. So, really, by being free, and then encouraging others to see truth does not only help those others but inherently demands that they take up their part in freeing as well. Woo! An end to slavery of all kinds!


Fourth of July, 2009: KWall, Cocoa, Me

I won't let you down. I will not give you up.

How I Feel

After I finish my big dramatic scene.
My days have been in cycles.

Rise.
Exercise in tune with the day.
Work slowly.
Be involved in class.
Motivate myself to work a little on projects and classwork.
Be indulgent in the afternoon--watch a movie or listen to music or just lay in bed.
Then. It's 4. My stomach start to pit.
At 5 my curlers go in.
I slink around the theatre. I listen to a sad playlist labeled "Rosemary."
At 6:45 we meet together.
7 we have a little warm-up.
7:15 I'm saying "liniment, linoleum, liniment, cinnamon" over and over.
7:30 place. The pit grows.
Intermission. I sink away.
The Scene happens.

I am back here. Free free for a night's sleep and a morning before it starts all over again.
Free like I was on the Atlantic in 2008.