Sunday in the City

Breezy and clear, soft sunshine. Too dim for sweat. I planned my lesson on compound sentences at the Picasso statue. Children ran up the sloped based and slid down on their butts. A tour guide next to me explained about the courthouse nearby to a small group of tourists and said the statue is said to be a woman although I have always seen an ape. A Chinese guy kept accidentally/on purpose getting in the way of my photos. Finally he sat next to me and explained he didn't know how to get to Van Buren. I looked up his train stop and showed him the map on my iPhone.

One of my adult students designed sound for a play at the fringe festival way up there in Jefferson Park. I've never been. "People on the red line can't be friends with people on the blue line. It's just too hard," Belle joked this morning. We were on the corner of the Chicago River. It's sort of true. You'll have to take at least one randito bus. But I was downtown so no worries. I waited in the belly of the stop. The train was late and ran express all the way up there. I don't see these parts of the city. The 20s homes and cars on not packed side-streets.

It was such a nice stroll. A Thomas J in bronze. The play was 50 minutes, which is good on a Sunday afternoon. It was in a church basement and the two-weekend run was ending, so everyone was happy as peaches in cream. It's a huge city here and there are a lot of smiles. I stopped at the CVS to buy 99 cent Halloween cards with my coupon and on the bus ride home I read the novel with bowler cap on the front and thought about Communism.

Unravel

This is the most beautiful song to me lately:

While you are away my heart comes undone.

Slowly unravels in a ball of yarn.

Devil collects it with a grin.

Our love, in a ball of yarn.

He'll never return it.

So when you come back,

we'll have to make new love.

Waiting for a showing of Fantastic Mr. Fox in December 2009.

The Oh Hellos

Hello, my old heart,

how have you been?

How is it, being locked away?

Don't you worry.

In there, you're safe,

and it's true you'll never beat,

but you'll never break.

Because nothing lasts forever.

Some things aren't meant to be.

But you'll never find the answers

until you set your old heart free.

Tucson, Arizona. 2014.

A Marvel

Jamin waking up. December 2012. 

"One marvels that a friend can ever seem less than beautiful."--MBE

MLK

I live in an extremely beautiful place. Yesterday I walked downtown, then around the lake. I was gone for a couple hours and wasn't even thinking about it. It was perfect fall weather--sun hiding under thin grey clouds, a nip in the air, but avoided with a simple sweater. There was so much life on the main street--visitors in victory and white wick tees. Yesterday morning was the Phoenix marathon. People celebrated on the patio of the Mediterranean cafe, smiled with beers at the New Orleans-themed joint. A woman limped happily into the used book store. I was nostalgic for my victory day. I showered all the salt off my body in North Carolina. Nac and I laid in bed watching Mad Men and eating Ben and Jerry's from cartons. Everything was slow. A sunset on Shell Island is the desktop on this computer.

I made a big bowl of vodka pasta at 9 PM last night and ate it slowly while watching Hitchcock's Spellbound. Like a child, I recognized today would be a holiday, and I wanted to stay up past my bedtime. I examined my list of letters I needed to write, tuned in to The Mountain Goats, and got out my sharpees. I remembered Dr. King and some of the best things he said. I remembered my best friends and some of the best things they've said.

I am gonna make it through this year
if it kills me.

To You and You and You, You, and You--To People Living With, Living With, Living With...Not Dying From Disease!

1. I ate 24 cookies tonight.
2. Night walks are underrated. Everything is beautiful.
3. You are beautiful.
4. You are the most beautiful thing in the world!
5. I mean it.
6. I really do.
7. Believe me. I love you.
8. I really do!
9. I miss you and I haven't even left.
10. You are the proof.
11. You are gold.

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

Weird Compliments

Everyone has gotten his or her fair share of weird compliments, I'm sure. But I, like, ONLY get weird compliments. Like when my sister once said, "I like your style--your trashball look." I can't even be offended because if I had to describe my style in one word it probably would be trashball.

My first high school boyfriend told me, "Your eyes are so beautiful. It's like...like looking into two tree trunks."
Kay once told me he liked my "cross-eyed look." Oh, yes, of course. My cross-eyed look! How attractive!

But, Dunt just sent me some pictures she took of me last summer, and darned if I don't have a cross-eyed look!



It occurs to me it only happens when I am focusing on something super up close. Like the camera or a boy I am kissing. So, now I get why it would be attractive to see my crossed-eyes--a smooch is in the future! It all goes to show you beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.* Crossed-eyes can be nice. Thick thighs can be graceful. Who knows. Who knows.

*UGH a cliche AND a pun in one fowl** swoop.
**Is it "fell swoop"? I've never known. Either way, it's FOUL this time.

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put baby together again.

To Be Perfectly Candid, Baby, You're Beautiful

Last week when I had that horrendous meltdown on public transportation, I remember seeing myself in the train window and literally saying "Woof" because MAN, did I look haggard. I walked by a sea of folks on the way to the bathroom, and it was like I could read their minds: "That girl has given up on life. Yowza."

At the time I was like, "Yeah? What of it?" I'm not trying to impress train riff raff. Because, you know what, we can't be beautiful all the time. But yesterday while I was sweating it out at the gym, I realized, "Yeah, actually, we CAN be beautiful all the time, and we SHOULD."


Rick, Mahji, Koon--Japan, November 2008

I was watching Japan on CNN and feeling crushed under the rubble myself. This has been a rocky couple weeks for a lot of people I know--including an entire country. And as the news faded to a commercial, I saw my own reflection in the screen. I did not look beautiful. Now, I don't mean we should always be dressed for success with make-up on and hair quaffed--I mean the simplest beauty. Like, a smile. Not plastered, just slight, natural. The way we should NATURALLY feel as beautiful expressions of Life.


IL farmland, March 2011

Or, you know, removing our eyes from sunken ruts. And giving thanks for water bottles, clouds, seafoam green combs.

Because the more we satisfy ourselves with being less than Beauty, the more ugly we chuck into the world. And the world don't need it.


Pookie, Mama, Me--May 2009

So I lightened my face--sweaty as it was--and jogged away. Freer, safer, sounder.

Why does it hurt me to feel so much tenderness?

Muff and Jamba--Married October 23rd, 2010

Everything changes today.
Usnavy's on his way--
off to a better place.
Look at Vanessa's face.