Showing posts with label long distance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label long distance. Show all posts

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Ocean Reflections: Long Distance

Getting restless to see Puhg. We've been apart so long, and we've reached the level of longing where we daydream about going grocery shopping together.

Long distance is never ideal, but honestly, it hasn't been terrible. We have a very healthy relationship together, and, welp, that didn't change when I was at sea. We're both open communicators in terms of what we need, expect, and appreciate in our relationship. And we both (with very rare exception) follow through when the other asks for anything. It was important for me to hear from Puhg at the end of the day, so if my phone was eating texts, he would be sure to fire off an email to me. Puhg likes photos, so I was sure to send him four or five on my day in port. He wired me money to buy a new Easter dress. I delivered chocolate bunnies to the apartment. And at the end of the contracts I would always be going home. No amorphous blob of "future."

In some ways, I feel we have gotten closer. Because I went on a weird adventure, we shared a free Caribbean cruise vacation. We had the time and savings to visit Spain. We both encountered new challenges individually and were able to experience working through them as a team. After being apart for so long, we appreciate so much more about "regular" life. I miss the minutia. I am dead Emily in Our Town with a pang in my heart wishing I could hear one of his made up chopping vegetables songlets.

We've come across many could be perceived as obstacles forks from my artistic journey. Two and a half years ago some friends told me it was naive to want the dream and the love. How could I consider moving at all? But we love Chicago. It's made our lives incredible in so many unforeseeable ways.

When all I had was an invite to the ship audition, it seemed scary. If Puhg had told me "Don't go," I wouldn't have gone. But I suppose I'd also never be dating someone who told me "Don't go." It's too simple to reason, "If you're serious about this relationship, you won't endanger it with a wild experience." But, again, now that I am two short weeks from reunion, I know we are better for it.







Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Unravel

This is the most beautiful song to me lately:

While you are away my heart comes undone.
Slowly unravels in a ball of yarn.
Devil collects it with a grin.
Our love, in a ball of yarn.
He'll never return it.
So when you come back,
we'll have to make new love.
Waiting for a showing of Fantastic Mr. Fox in December 2009.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Two Hearts/ Two More Weeks

When I was in Alaska I drew our initials in a snow heart. I texted him the image, and he responded:
I left AZ June 25th. It has really been too long.

I'm fractured from the fall,
and I wanna go home.
But it takes two when it used to take one.
It takes two when it used to take only one.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Bein' a Woman! (Part III)

At times I am uncomfortable to publicly say anything about romance. I am happy to show simple affection when I am with my beuf, but when I'm not, I get worried about not sounding like my own person. And I am my own person! I've known people (I'm sure you have too) who project so much about their sig others that they seem to fade into a deflect of that other half.

But. The people we care about are part of who we are. To avoid them in projecting our "own personhood" is to neglect something very important about ourselves.
I miss this guy.
And I could write a book,
the one they'll say that shook
the world and then it took--
it took you back to me.
And I could write a song
a hundred miles long.
Well, that's where I belong.
And you belong with me.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Stretched Out

I'm a singular person. I love theatre and its strong peanut butter balls of ensemble, stuck together and dusted with coconut. But, generally, I spend time with people one-on-one. The more people the more anxious. I know it can be good for me. I have evidence of course. But, mostly...I don't scoot towards flocks of friends. In conclusion, I have these little friendies sprinkled over the country like paprika on a deviled egg.

I love them, my pretties.

They stay in my heart, but where are all MY little bits? With each of them? No one has the carbon copies. No one knows how I used to make up dance routines to "Viva Forever" AND what I think about Graff's opinions of academic language. The tactics I used, how many bites it takes to finish a yogurt, how long my laundry was in the basket unfolded. I realize everyone lives in twelve trillion particles, but something seems...fishy that no one can pin them all down. Not even me?


my longform team, performing last week

It's hard to explain except to say we're on our own in every way.
Someone who says they'll stay, may just be waiting around for some luck.