A New Solstice

 I've been running for over fifteen years. I generally like it. Good for my heart. A time to push, to think.

When I decide on a distance, I don't like to stop until I finish. It's more than a preference. I feel starting up after I'm stalled at a light is much harder than jogging in place. But it's more than that too. It's my compulsion to complete my goals.

Come cramps, come fatigue, come anything short of blood, I feel unsettled if I break. And I don't like running less than two miles either. It's a nice even number.

But this month I've been pausing to walk. I know I could power through, but it doesn't seem so important. I can't muster as much. I'm just going slower.

And going slower is hard for me. I like getting everything done. I like being reliable. Things are falling through the cracks. I don't answer emails as quickly and sloth around plans.Things I typically look forward to are shrouded in quicksand.

I've always loved the fullness of the summer solstice, but maybe it's time to appreciate the winter solstice. A day to do the most vs. a day to do the least. What a stupid loser holiday. But here it is anyway. The sun setting so early, me mixing drinking chocolate, watching light fade from the patio, the pink palm tree skyline in the distance.