I dreamt I laid on the floor and fell through five stories into a basement's basement, surrounded by ghosts. I woke up with a start right at 2 AM, grappled for my phone and somehow accidentally FaceTimed a guy I saw at a birthday party last night.
I'm running out of steam. I've never been so close with nothing to show for it. It's a long game, they say. A marathon and not a sprint, they say, but I don't know how much time there is left. For all of it. Inside an imploding industry inside a cracking town in a teetering democracy inside a world on fire. The worst kind of Wonderball.
I have no more, "But at least!"s in me. I fend off bitterness with a staff, but the wolves have gotten too close and gnawed both ends. I'm holding a stupid stick. The pink shiny bubbles of potential keep popping. So many so fast they no longer bring me joy as they float my direction. Feeling like a dunce for believing in circles of air. I don't want to work so hard to get by.
It could be worse. What a mean belief we have to cling to. Because it could just be better for everyone down here instead. I hate how many people never worry/haven't had to worry. Maim reminds me on such a gorgeous patio, it's not personal. It's being a millennial. It's the year. Maybe it's the lack of free will. In that moment, her face in the sun, a fresh seltzer with lime in my hand, it was all just a joke.
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