LA x 5

Grief calls me a Cherryhead and candies with the same name appear at crafty. I pick one up and keep it in the side of my chair. I don’t feel well and it’s the first day I really want to go home well before wrap. I crave a bed and silence. No matter what your job is, some days you crave a bed and silence.

I pretend to give a powerpoint presentation about CJ and AP laughs and laughs. When the cast and crew applaud the guest's wrap, tears glob up in my eyes. Goodbye forever, I think. She said “Hello, Alice” whenever I walked by. I have to send out new pages. Prop up my laptop on a dresser while everyone clears out. I’m on the last shuttle back to base.

I wish Puhg were here all the time, but my lonesome has fueled activities or even rituals. I’m using makeup wipes daily and with a lateish call I adventure to cute donuts. I admire watching hard workers work hard.

Thursday is my first parking hell. I meet up with a friend of a friend for a dessert I’m trying not to eat and can’t find a spot for almost an hour. “Why are we meeting?” crosses my mind often. One reason I like LA is people are nice and seem to want to help you out. One reason I don’t like LA is people maybe only seem nice and know it’s impossible to tell who can help you out.

A quick bunny day with two shots. I transcribe, which is a sensible and hilarious task. I’m taking down all these Hellen Keller jokes AG keeps riffing. There is a formal meeting. I sit in and note note, then we revise in AP’s trailer, then I find a Starbucks to get wifi to send out. I get this idea that I need to see I Feel Pretty very badly and pre-order tickets. I mismanage my time picking out a CVS candy and have to run through the mall to make the flick. I get a popcorn just in time. I truly enjoy the film, curling up in a row alone, watching the credits and understanding all the titles. I feel anxious about my own projects. I talk to Puhg in the parking garage before Yosh and I go to a birthday thing. After an hour we do the meet new people thing. I am a proud thing.

After SoulCycle, having trouble moving. My shoulders/heart heaved. A brunch invite finally kicks me out. Fluffy pancakes with Dal & co. We walk into an occult-y shop and I explain I love candles but never buy them because it seems like such a weird thing to spend money on. I stand in the light on the sidewalk. He comes with a small black bag—a candle for me inside. Sometimes the work behind relationships is evident. It’s been something we built, but he feels dropped into my life, or vice versa, in an intentional way. I am forever grateful. I get texts about script revisions. Gotta jet and find a Starbucks. A former castmate is there too? Unreal. I am surrounded by people typety typing screenplays, and I am legit revising TF’s lines. Yosh and his stoned gf take me to the home of veganaise. It’s a sleepy little hang in sweats like we’re old old pals, which we are, which is nice.

Frank and I have to wait an hour for brunch, but it’s so worth it. We have ten years of catching up. Real juicy, crushing, theorizing, can’t believing catching up. Buckwheat pancakes. I don’t want it to end. On a weird patio a Hollywood couple buys me salad. They are so here. Every person I meet has a helpful story. Awkward amount of time, so I walk to Hollywood Walk of Fame, that trash pile, in order to get earrings. Dal’s show is so entertaining. I am beaming watching him do his thing while fans geek out. My roommate ghost is home, and we unexpectedly talk an hour when I mean to fall right to sleep.