Never Forget

Today Andrew McMahon announced that he will no longer be performing with Jack's Mannequin. This has seriously saddened me. I mean, yeah, I've seen him in concert six times, but I always thought I'd make it to fifteen. Ten at LEAST.

I have hope he will still perform in some capacity in the future...but it won't be the same. Just like how he would only play one SoCo song in the early says of JM...will all my favorites be pushed to the wayside? Will he even make any more music? He might not.

Most of the time, I believe things should die. Things are just things, and they are not meant to be forever. Friendships grow and change and dry. Fashions come in and go out. We get too old for camp. We get too serious to sleep-in. We get too relaxed to mince words.

But I always hoped that Andrew's music-making would outlive me.

Admittedly, his last album was my least favorite of them all. And, admittedly, I'm not the same gushing girl when he posts a blog on his website. I see his Instagram, and I'm like, "Yeah. Typical." I used to be in love with his hippy dip persona when I was a junior in college. Probably because that's the age when HE got popular, and, you know, I think he stayed there. And I didn't.

But, I still thought...I don't know. I still thought something.

Uptown Theatre in Kansas City. 2010 SoCo Reunion Tour.

Would it be in poor taste that this is the biggest tragedy that's ever happened on September 11th? Yes, I guess so. I won't say that.

You spin around me like a dream,
we played out on this movie screen,
and I said, "Did you know I miss you?"

EDIT: Coincidentally, I just saw this post went up at 11:11...

High Apple Pie in the Sky Hopes

photo by Mia

1. Had high hopes of updating this blog every day this month. But, then I remembered I'm going to ACTF next week and might not have internet. Thus, dreams splattered on the sidewalk.

2. When I was fourteen I loved the song "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World. I thought the chorus was

"It just takes some time.
Little girl you're in the middle
apple pie.
Everything everything will be alright."

3. When I started coaching speech I was overwhelmed by a surprising saddness. It wasn't nostalgia--more this huge hairy feeling that nothing is ever going to be planned for me anymore. I run around these tournaments making an activity happen for high schoolers, but nothing like that exists for me anymore, right? So wrong! I feel really good about this concept lately. Like not only is that not something to fear because I can make my own plans that are better than adults planning speech meets. I mean, step back and think about that. I was scared I wouldn't enjoy things as much as high school speech meets. Um. Crazytown called and wants their president back.

Today while I was sitting alone in a classroom waiting for students to come in with little prepared political speeches I was overwhelmed by the feeling that things are constantly being laid out for me--and with less stress and anguish than the busy speech adults must endure. Simple and good things are just plopping down in front of me. Falling from the sky like houses post-twister.

It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
when the first star you see may not be a star.
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?