G v G, Age 9

I'm not sure how you felt about your girlfriends growing up, but there was an intensity between mine. I did not form supportive bonds until I was probably in college. I loved my girlfriends, but we also hated each other. In hindsight, I don't know why I didn't question this more or even ask for help. Maybe because my tribe was still a tribe--despite having inward slashes? At the end of the day, we would still always be against other girl tribes (a whole different issue).

When I sniffled because I thought another girl was better at cheerleading than me, my mom said, "Well, she's a dog." Meaning, maybe she can do a backflip, but in ten years I would be beautiful and she would still be woof. I googled her two years ago to see if it was true. I don't blame my mom. It was her job to make me feel better, and in desperation that's what she landed on.

In middle school it was always someone's turn to be hated. I didn't mind this cycle because I had about six friends, so five weeks would be good and then one would be bad. That was okay odds. I had respite in my summer camp group, but there were weekly awards we all secretly hoped for, so? Once a girl in my bunk said she struggled with math. I told her I liked math and she said if I went to her school I'd probably have worse grades than her. When I was 17 one of my camp friends exploded at me yelling I always when were 12 I always purposely ate dessert slower than everyone else to make them feel bad. Ridiculous if it weren't true.

My gang was academically-driven, so we competed with grades and whispered when someone turned in homework late. We wanted to be the best. I'm trying to determine if the media influenced me in this way. I guess. It was always Christina vs. Britney never Christina & Britney. Betty v. Veronica. Most TV I watched didn't have girlfriends. Patti Mayonnaise. Rugrat Angelica. Spinelli. Lisa Simpson. They were loners. I read Betty Tasty and Tib or whatever those dumb books about growing up in the 1930s were. Samantha the American Girl had a friend, but she was mainly a metaphor for poverty. The Disney Princesses were loners.

Anyway, the world is different now? Frozen? Is Frozen saving us yet? Well. In improv class the students' favorite game is Four Corners. I stand in the middle of the room with my eyes closed, count to ten, and then call out a corner. Anyone in the corner is "out." I recover my eyes and repeat until one student remains: the new caller. So this Girl wins the round and excitedly stands in the middle of the room. After she counts to ten she spins around surveying the room with her eyes "closed" and then calls a corner. I ask her to put her hands over her eyes. She puts them up, gaping cracks between each finger. I let it happen. I watch her pick off the people she doesn't like corner by corner. Until its her best friend, someone she doesn't care about, and a boy I suspect she sort of likes. Her friend wiggles in excitement of potentially winning the game and then, boop, Girl chooses her corner. Best Friend Out. Girl poorly acts surprised and then tried very hard to hide a devilish little smile. I don't judge her. I remember feeling so horribly happy when I was hanging out with a group of girls I didn't know that well and they started making fun of one of my tribe. It was completely base--I'm better than her, but still so shameful. The Girl then proceeds to make the boy she likes win. He jumps around and screams, very proud of himself, announcing he is the best at this game.

My Top Ten Fave Movies of 2013

This was my favorite year for movies in a really really long time. I loved, LOVED so many. Any of these films would be my stand out number one favorite if they had been out any other year for the past ten years. 2013, I salute you.

10. Insidious II
9. The Conjuring
8. The Spectacular Now
7. Paranormal Activity 5
6. Before Midnight
5. The Heat
4. Her
3. The Place Beyond the Pines
2. Frances Ha
1. Don John

Judge all you want. These are the films that spoke to me.

Honorable Mention: Frozen
Yet to See: Dallas Buyers, Blue J, Short Term Twelve
Movies I Didn't Like: The Wolf of Wall Street, You're Next, The Purge, Gravity, Inside Llewyn Davis, Mama

Exactly: Regionals 2014

"Really I just needed to get out of 'Zona," Whoa said as he hopped into the backseat. The road trip Santa Monica began. I had no hopes for this trip. I joined the competition team one week ago. Hotel money, gas money, food money, sharing beds, cramming in cars--not fun for me anymore. I'm getting older. But it seemed right to go.

Our hotel. Sleeping three to a full bed isn't the worst actually. You can get through.

It was everything.

Tournament morning. My things I need for good 'prov.

Old writing friends. always supportive. Life! Is! Big!

College in a person.

It was a refresh. Basics. Bagels and journals. Beach walks and sunrises. My college pal. My childhood friend and I split a piece of cherry pie to honor the place we spent summers.

Dizz and I met in 1999 at summer camp.

Why do we get what we need? Exactly what we need? I have Dizz for relationship talks, Jamin for mems, those LA boys for TV news. They're workhorses out there. I have new babes to remember I'm happy to age and senior chums to remind me I'm not there yet.

I'm not smart enough to have sought these things specifically. I couldn't have guessed I'd be laughing hysterically outside a Subway because Whoa would buy us all Frozen bags to commemorate how I was singing it in the bathroom before finals and that kid in the grey crewneck from Claremont college heard me. I broke during the set.

Right after we won. Regional champions two times running.

I wonder if it is survival of the fittest. The parts we require strain into our life? Obviously it's okay not to know. As long as you're grateful, life may hand you a plaque and a getaway. It wasn't that much money after all. Now that it's been spent. Now that I have stood, staring at this bird. We were both alone thinking about the ocean.

Still, I couldn't wait to get back home. That's the truest stuff. Life is just as good as vacation.

Well, Now They Know

A really cool thing one of my classmates said recently post-directing a staged reading of one of her news plays: "Most importantly I realized some people liked things one way and others liked them another way. I can't make everyone happy, so I might as well just do what I want. Which is a relief."

I don't care
what they're going to say.

GRAD S-COOL!

Y'all my brains are just straight up overflowin' with ideas, and I've only had less than two weeks of class! I swam a mile and a half today, and not one lap was peaceful because my head was busting open with dramaturgical theory.

I'm struggling with an easy assignment for my playwriting workshop--an essay called "Why I Write." The real question is "Why Can't I Figure Out What To Write About Why I Write?" So, about an hour ago, I decided to pump some Nicki Minaj and walk downtown. The walk is safely lit (I say that for Pookie's sake who is convinced I should never go anywhere at night), and people were out and about, but I considered what would happen if I had been abducted right then. No one knew I was going out. All I could think about is how cool and post-modern it would be for the police to find the play Frozen* open my bed.

Game over b---, Gatorade, wet towel.

*About a girl getting abducted.