Who

I've decided to recommit to this blog. For so long I had it so I could write. Something. Somewhere. Over time I had more important writing projects and now I have a writing career, so this little junk heap has been my last priority.

"Introspective" is how I keep describing my summer. I've always had some semblance of summer vacation. I've never just worked straight through the season, even when I've wanted or needed to. Maybe I'm now cursed to always have time off and think about soft pretzels at the PH pool.

I have around a dozen writing projects at any given time, but which do I care the most about? Which would I fight for? Which are me? More, who is me? We like to think we know, but then you have a lonesome walk around your old neighborhood's book and coffee and donut stores, looking for a water bottle you dropped somewhere and you wonder, what have I liked from this visit? What do I think I like but didn't? What didn't I like but did? What even is a person beyond what they like, don't like, and make? I don't know. I had so much fun at The A with ___, but a few days later I realized we only talked about him. I wanted to be indignant, but I didn't actually care for some reason. I ring my hands over what perfect scone to order at the Ukrainian Village pie shop but ultimately go with, no, not the most "me" item but the one my guts 'n' butts ask for in the moment. I watch a very stupid and clunky musical my friends wrote and smile the entire time, I watch an acclaimed show at L__________. It's impressive. More than once I think "Ooh, ahh" but more than once I ask, "Do I like this?" What is "like" to begin with? In Japanese it is an adjective. That garden is pretty or full or like.

My friend is teaching at a prison. He said he might be able to set me up, but he knows I'm not looking for that. But why aren't I? I guess it would tank the momentum of who I am, but who I am isn't what I do, the self-help website told me. Truly an instagram account rocks my world every week with "reflections."I mean you can't chase every Like you have anyway.

Some things I like lately: knowing I am going on tour next month, the caramel cold brew I'm currently sippin' Midsommar, Phantom of the Opera, staying organized with my planner, singing Dashboard Confessionals in the basement of a Mexican restaurant, country music on the radio, hearing people's true ghost stories, my tatts, hot pink nails, massages, making a cheese plate for guests, rejection stories, research.