Happier Post

I’m not sure how to pretend everything is normal? I keep having these meetings at very cool studios and then waking up in the middle of the night reading articles about climate change. It’s incredible to be in the middle of a problem that’s never existed before. For so many complications of my one life I walked through knowing it’s all been done. But this hasn’t actually been done. They didn’t do this in the 16 or 1900s--plan vacations partially for relaxation and partially because perhaps in fifteen years it will be gone, or we will all be poor, so live it up but at the same time feel guilty I’m not using that vacation fund to protest in Flint?

I worked on a non-political TV show for 8 months. At first it felt ignorant but then it felt like an important respite. And I do believe the solutions aren’t all from (are rarely from) addressing the dearth of problems head-on and often answers come inside out from healing the sadness inside of people. (But also healing the sadness hasn't been cutting it for polar bears?)

The solution/resolution cannot be that we simply exist. We weren’t always here and we won’t always be. Everyone knew that too. The heat death of the universe was never a secret. We just thought we wouldn’t see it. The more I question what it is all for the less motivation I have, but somehow the more clear the present becomes. A horrifying stoop for a progress-oriented person. I come home and go to the balcony, the moon is bright as a theatre spot. Puhg points at it. “Moontime,” he says.

Despite these previous three paragraphs, I’m looking fancy on the outside and feeling special on the inside. I bought brand new white Vans only to be worn in meetings. I drive around LA like I own the stupid place and believe in myself. I am unsure of what flower to nurture, but I am certain there is a prized petunia in there. In practicality I don’t know anything, but, well, I can’t describe it, I know something.