Home Again

It's late. It's really late. I can't sleep. It's happy insomnia!

I remember this from the night before high school began. I laid in bed, all lights off, with headphones connected to my Discmac. I listened to the album Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World. I loved that album. Who am I fooling? It's probably still on my top five. DON'T JUDGE!

I feel at home right now. Not just because I have gotten ultra cozy crashing on Pookie's couch since I have been on break from working, but because a gear has been shifted. A switch has been turned. I couldn't tell you exactly when it happened. Who cares?

College was not appealing to me. I didn't feel the urge to escape my surroundings (I had only been at my high school two years). I didn't crave independence. I had plenty with my busy schedule and separated parents. I mean, I was a good kid and wouldn't need to "get away" for any reason. I would like...do crack on school nights with my friend Bubba. Now replace "crack" with "Calculus," "Bubba" with "Nals" (the sweet and timid Indian boy in my class), and "school nights" with "weekends." So, I was sort of non-jazzed about wild nights and staying up late and ditching work. I wanted to get my education and read and put in my retainers and sleep. For some reason the instinct to make friends did not kick in for me until a couple weeks of college had already been underway. I don't think this is sad in any way. I honestly didn't think about making friends. Keep in mind I had just spent a month in a solitary room in Edinburgh. So that.

Anyway, one day I didn't have too much homework to do, and my roommate was out, and I started thinking, "I kinda just want to hang out with someone." So I left my room and walked to the commons to find a random group of people watching Fight Club. I love Fight Club, so I invited myself to the couch and watched along. I liked the people. It was a group of friends I wasn't part of, but I felt comfortable around them. They seemed to like me okay. Little did I know I would go to Japan with two of them, and Ben Folds concert with another before graduation.

GOSH THIS IS GETTING LONG. That night my very dear friend Henne just happened to call me. We chatted, and I said, "I feel at home in my dorm. I feel like I belong here, and I am part of a community and atmosphere..." and he was like "Uh...it took me months to feel that way." And, I was really grateful.

And, I can't explain it, but I feel the same way right now. I feel really happy and comfortable in my own skin. Pleased with my life right now. Grateful I just finished my improv show, made some lovely friends, learned bunches, and feel like the cocoon that has been forming around me is breaking. HEY! YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUVENILLE METAPHOR ITS LIKE FIVE AM!

Tonight was a weird night. You know the improv shortform game "Emotional Roller-coaster"? You do a scene and the host yells out various emotions to change into as the scene progresses? Try hanging out with a group of improvers for thirteen hours. You'll begin to see how that game was inspired.

How can you soar if you're nailed to the floor?