Live Life to the Fullest

Sleepless in Seattle

Cannot sleep. Sending class emails and trying to grade. But it's so late for grading.

I miss AIM. I do! You could say texting is the new AIM, but in times like this it's not. There used to be a place you could go, a thing you could log into, and you'd find everyone else who was down to talk--whenever that may be. I'm not interested in sending half a dozen creepy "You up?" texts. Sometimes you just want to feel like it's not only you in this world of insomnia. Or! Sometimes you want to graze on a conversation over homework. GChat is so important and quick. AIM was lazy. AIM was multi-task. I miss the rush of seeing the bestie, the bf, the old pal on. It was special. It felt written in the stars, or at least in a blog. Having access to everyone makes us less accessible, kills a baby of the fun.

The Difference

Tonight was impromptu ladies night in our bungalow. Pake walked through the front door with Ro right as Rora and I were sitting down on the couch. I had a huge bowl of spinach. Fistfuls of cooked spinach. I can never get through those huge boxes, but, oh, do I try.

Naturally we talked about stealing and the petty crimes we did or didn't commit as teens. Then it was time for that reality TV show about Gypsy weddings. Fascinating. Pake left and we got to talking more. No TV, no music. Ro shopped us a question she'd been considering: What do you think is the one quality you hope people see you as? What do you think that is currently?

And I guess what's the most interesting is that...there's a difference there. We know what we want to be, but we're probably not there yet. Rora kind of is. She's so great. I might be partially there, and it's not like I think I'm a Tremor*, but it's a long road. Or, actually, it isn't? We could all just be it? The seeming length of the journey to just BE is an illusion akin to the red staircase leading to the third Bowser in Mario 64.

They're good questions to ask. They're...important questions to ask.

Party time. September 2013.

It's important to reiterate how good it feels to live with women at this time in my life. The first time I really really felt this was my junior year in college. My roommate and I had the same schedule and we would get up, go to the gym, breakfast, and walk to class all together. Pretty cute actually. This meant I was on her sleep patterns more than my boyfriend's, and I gained so much from those sacred nights of laying in the dark, talking across the room from our twins. I was house president that quarter, and in a fit of guilt about my own power, I shafted myself with the worst room on the second floor. It was so tiny. But I'm glad we were only feet apart. We talked about so much. It was important.

The girls just went to bed. I'm an adult and my roommates have their own doors, but we have a living room. It is holy ground.

FYI, my answers: A Good Resource; Fair.

*Tremor as in land monster a la the films.

Happy Birthday, Daddio

Texts, September 14, 2013

ME: What's up in [my dad's town]? I miss [the town] most in fall.

DAD: I am wearing my first flannel shirt of the season. Went to ____ to look at storm doors. Got a Culver's shake. Now on the couch to watch more of Homeland season 2.

ME: You're having the perfect day.

ME: Would love to be there.

DAD: I wish you were here.

DAD: Anytime.

Lamplight

Sometimes it feels like I could travel the entire galaxy and only be a hair closer to finding a light for the darkness. Even then, the light is barely flickering. One little teacup candle, far far away. In a windstorm. By a fan. And then the person sitting right next to me just, like, has a lamp.

Take a tip from me, don't go through the park

when you're on you're own. It's a long walk home.

Starfish: A Modern Parable

A young boy woke one morning craving to see his old friend the ocean. He wiggled into a sweater, laced his sneaks, and made for the beach. It was early morning, calm. But the previous night had apparently not been so. Thousands of starfish lay on the beach, drying slowly in the rising sun. They must have been tossed from their lives by a storm, and, now, they were goners. The boy sadly walked along the water's edge observing the loss of so many tiny lives.

Then he noticed a figure just down the bend. He started jogging. As the boy came closer, he realized the figure was a man, hard at work, picking up starfish that weren't just finished yet and throwing them back to the water. The man moved with focus, determination. The boy watched a few moments and the man continued to work and the beach continued to look basically the same despite the efforts of this stranger.

"Excuse me, sir," the boy said.

The man barely paused to look over and kept searching for the next creature. "Yes?" he murmured.

"It's just...you're working so hard. But there are thousands. It will not matter."

The man looked at the starfish in his hand. "It matters to this one," he said as he sent the little star soaring over the blue tides. Then he smiled. The boy smiled too. The man let out a fat guffaw. "NAH," he boomed. "Truthfully, I just really like chuckin' starfish."

And then the man laughed. Laughed a lot. "Wait, what?" thought the boy. But the man kept laughing. In good spirits the boy joined in. The man cackled. Like, an uncomfortable amount? The boy felt like he really didn't have another option other than to also keep laughing? The man's face turned red. The boy's too, out of sheer terror. Oh my God, is that a gun in his sock? Why didn't I notice his ICP t-shirt? Am I gonna die today?! Is today really the day I'm gonna

Questions about Experiencing Things

1. If you discuss doing something with someone, and then you do it with someone else, do you suck? Even if there was no specific plan? Even if it's a thing you will do again (go to a restaurant)?
2. What are the benefits of experiencing something new with someone else who is also fresh to it? Benefits of experiencing things with someone who knows whasup? Benefits of being a knowledgable person in said scenario? Think about this in the context of travel.
3. Should you reserve some pieces of life to experience with certain people? The first person you tell big news to, for example. You will tell everyone, does it matter who you happen to inform first?
4. Can you ever erase initial experiences and replace with better ones?
5. What if there are things you want to experience alone, or at least for the first time? Is this offensive/ are you a sociopath?