Maybe I Enjoy the Chase

Dizz reminded me I never made my classic "Most Influential Songs of the Year" birthday post. Better late than never. My memory is rusty, but here were my top fourteen hits for posterity.

Young Dumb & Broke - Imagine Dragons
Use Me - Goo Goo Dolls
Confident - Demi Lovato
Me and My Friends - James Vincent McMorrow
Waving Through a Window - Dear Evan Hansen
Shallow - A Star Is Born
Teenage Rockstars - Andrew McMahon
I'd Rather Be Me - Mean Girls
Mean - Taylor Swift
How to Save a Life - The Fray
Written in the Sand - Old Dominion
Ruin My Life - Zara Larsson
I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton
Space Cowboy - Kacey Musgraves

Some of these helped me live as a ghost in Chicago, some of these helped me feel home in LA. Most of these were crucial to my car singing. They all hold a special lil spot in my heart.

Nobody Asked!

I doctored my friend's play this weekend. He brings such interesting topics to theatre, unusual viewpoints, specific tensions. But he doesn't know to formally write. His characters talk how he talks, which is, like, so hard for some playwrights to master. He's way ahead of most in that regard. It took me around five years to finally write something that sounded like people. But the dang pages are so sloppy. Random spaces and indents and stage directions four-thousand miles long and mixed up characters and grammar, lord, the grammar. Every character "exists stage left." He pays me to clean it all up. We've been doing this for five years. I love to read his work. I would never seek it out, and I would never make it. I don't doubt some is completely lost on me. I also know I have dramaturgical opinions that would benefit the text. But I haven't been asked to share those. So, I don't.

I have a couple cringe memories from past feedback experiences. I connected with this playwright in Chicago when I had first moved, went to a staged reading of her new thing, and then emailed her my thoughts. It was a very very long email, and I didn't mind doling out compliments along with, "I didn't like this part"s. Direct and sincere, but she never asked! Isn't that just something? I sent her a non-consensual email of feedback! We never saw each other again, despite me inviting her to a couple things. I just searched for this email and re-read. Honestly, it was less biting than I remember. What a relief. And she was like, "Thanks so much for all the thoughts!" Was she being sincere and direct? I don't know. I did this at least one other time to a fellow theatre-maker. That email got deleted at some point.

Meanwhile I asked someone to be in a reading of my play once (staged reading in grad school, 2012). I didn't know this guy well, but I had been in readings of his work a few times. I honestly thought his plays blew, but he was an actor and about right for this role, so I asked if he was interested. He responded yes. Then he read the play and changed his mind no, and further more, he wanted to meet with me over coffee to give me feedback. Absolutely not, dude!

OKAY TWIST. You are never going to believe this. Right after I typed that little storylet I searched my email to read exactly what this bozo wrote me and... I totally got everything wrong? Mind you I've considered this guy's rude email for about eight years! Turns OUT, he emailed me he wished he could participate but the rehearsal times didn't work for him! And then he said he'd still love to get coffee and help revise if I want! And I said I couldn't, so he sent me a couple line notes and wished me sincerely well! My brain completely fabricated an entirely different narrative!

So do people remember any criticism, even remotely constructive as an attack? I remember people who have given me some good (soy) beefy notes fondly. Is this why no one ever says they don't like your sample? Because everyone wants to be liked? DOES everyone want to be liked? Nobody asked.