Please Do Not See The Wolf of Wall Street

People will tell you this movie is the best of the year, and there are merits, sure. Their names are Leo, and Jonah Hill. Also there are def some solid comedic scenes/lines, it's an overall entertaining movie, and it's well-made. The soundtrack is baller, it clips along, some of it is very pretty. BUT ALSO:

1. GD MISOGYNY.

Yeah, I get it. If you indulge in hotties and refuse to make serious emotional connections, you're unahppy. But do we need to keep seeing this played out over and over--meanwhile sexualizing women for 98% of films and then adding a little escape hatch of "but it's bad"? OVER IT.

2. IT AIN'T NEW.

What do most audiences think about Wall Street? That stoke brokers suck. That capitalism allows for some real self-indulgent dingbats. That they get away with everything. Well, thanks for a movie that affirms everything we thought when we entered the theater.

3. JORDAN BELFORT IS AN EFFING JERK.

The whole movie is about how much of a toolbox JB is, and what a swindler, and he totally does not get served as much justice as he should be. Because he's the worst. But guess what? He is now synonymous with only the most lovable and respected movie star in America. So no matter how despicable he truly was, we still kind of think he's awesome. PLUS, HE IS MAKING MORE MONEY OFF THE MOVIE. Not just indirectly is it screwed up that this terrible human continues to make millions in speaking events and book sales, which will only blow up more as a result of the film...I LITERALLY JUST GAVE HIM MY MONEY BY SEEING THIS MOVIE. Rage puke.

Spoilery: That final shot. Bisque said it redeemed the movie a little because it shows "Whoa, look at this d-bag, and how money didn't make him happy, and, yet, hundreds of people still want his get-rich-quickness." And then I was like, omg, it's a mirror image of the theater. All these people just staring at a monster, totally engrossed.

Special Little Sparkle Secrets for You and Only You!

Birthday 2010.

Special sparkle secrets happen when you know something other people don't know and it makes you very happy--not in a creepy lording information over others and/or insider trading way*. In a tiny creme clam shell way.

Some examples of Special Little Sparkle Secrets:
-When someone who doesn't know you are casually dating someone casually says favorable things about the person you are dating. You feel cool because your romantic interest is cool and so are you because you have good taste! It's a compliment from this third party, and they didn't even know it was!
-When you go back to work after lunch, and you just had some really good cheesecake.
-Walking back super sweaty from the gym knowing you just ran really far and really fast. People on the sidewalk just see the sweat. But YOU know.
-Hearing your birthdate mentioned. Like, you see a preview, and then BAM! "Coming to Theatres on _____ ___!"..."The date they said was MY BIRTHDAY." Obviously, it doesn't matter, but it sparks this mini-ignition in your personally. Just a little sparkle. For you and only you.

My birthday is approaching, and it tickles me to hear the day discussed. I'm not so self-centered to even care very much about my birthday, but I think I'll always feel a little special when I see that a park was dedicated on the day, I see the date on a rehearsal schedule, someone mentions it as the day the final paper is due, the library books must be returned.



There is a secret that we keep.
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
because tonight may be the last chance we are given.
We are compelled to do
what we must do.
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden.
So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight.

*Just watched Wall Street last weekend...Yeah, you could say I know a thing or two** about the stock market.
**Really, if that movie taught me anything it's that I literally only know one or two things about the stock market. During no fewer than six scenes I had to look over at my sister and make exaggerated, "What the dustbuster is going on!?" faces. Mostly, I can't believe that shouting and holding slips of paper business on a cramped floor of business men is actually how the nation's economy functions.**
***If we don't do the whole hollering in the bull pen thing anymore, I have no idea because my concept of stocks and stuff is 88% made up of a fictional 80s movie starring the world's number one winning lunatic/coke head.