Alice in Chains

Yesterday at about 2 PM where was I? Oh, just chained to a bed in in a basement of a house I had never been to before alone with a middle-aged man I had never met before filming me.

Somewhere in Wisconsin, my aunt just got nervous reading that.

Here's what happened:

On Friday night I got a call from my improv producer asking if I would be able to help with a project he was working on for the 48-Hour Film Festival. I said, yes, I was free for a few hours yesterday afternoon, and I could help. He told me the premise of the dark comedy: a lonely girl keeps a broom as a friend. Okay, I thought.

So, then, an hour later (they're still writing the script) he explains I'm being held captive--hence the loneliness. Hmm. Okay.

So, then I show up to the location on Sunday. My producer isn't there--just a fellow actor I know and the director (who I don't know). I read the final script and am like, "Oh. Oh I see. So there's a scene where the guy who has kidnapped me backhands me. Hmm." Ad then we go down to the basement to see the set--a really really creepy room with a chain.

Oh. So, I'm also going to be chained up. Hm.

And we shoot a little, and then the other actor announces he will be doing a lunch run while I shoot solo scenes. And I'm like, "Cool. Naw I don't want any Subway." And then he leaves...and I realize what is happening in my life. Which brings me back to the beginning of this blog post.

Of course, everything was fine. The director was very nice, and we shot everything in a timely manner, and I left. But if anything HAD happened...man, would I have looked like an idiot.

Officer: So how did this guy kidnap you into this basement?
Me: Oh, no, I drove myself.
Officer: But how did he get you in chains?
Me: I put them on?
Officer: ...But at what point did you get worried when he brought out a video camera?
Me: I...didn't?
(Officer smacks his forehead.)

Now, to quell anyone else's fears, as soon as I realized that I was in a sketchy situation, I did make a plan of escape mentally, and I knew where the handcuff key was. But, yeah, life is weird. In other news, go see the film I was in at the Tivoli in the Loop this Tuesday night!

Sincerely

Dude, two nights ago I stopped for gas after rehearsal, and I decided to look at things inside the snack-station. (Okay, I am just now realizing that in my head the building on the gas station premises I have always called a "snack station"--it only just occurs to me writing this now that my secret in-my-head-definition might not be one anyone else uses. Moving on...Except also I should explain I go inside snack stations very often because I like to look at candy and the fridges of colorful drinks even if I don't want to buy any. NOW, moving on.) A thirtysomething guy in nasty brown sweat pants that were kind of like capris came in to pay for his gas. He looked at me and licked his lips.

I headed to my car. Then, a minute later I hear this guy yelling through the rain, "Lemme--lemme--lemme--" I didn't look up because I was still hoping there was some kind of misunderstanding. After all, I was sporting pigtails, a bright yellow headband, and the Catcher in the Rye t-shirt my aunt gave me. Come on, man. But he finally yelled, "CAN I PUMP YOUR GAS FOR YOU?" A little late. I was just getting back in my car.

I'm pretty sure this dude wanted me to feel embarrassed and flustered. I mean, he sure didn't really think he was going to get my number right? In his sketched-out outfit? I mean, did he really intend to take me in my daffodil boat shoes out to dinner sometime? So, instead of getting crazy awkward or scared, I just tossed my hand at him, "Oh, get out of town," I said with a modest grin. And, HE mirrored it back the smile like, "Awwwww, shucks. Okay. I am being ridiculous." And he kind of waved me a good night.

Basically, when you're honest and just open up to people, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the sincerity you find. Everyone knows whats going on more than we everyone else credit for.