Nonchalance

My dad being supes nonchalant last week.

"She holds her cards so close to her chest." Phyll told me this person said this to her about me several years ago. The phrase struck me because I had never heard it before. The phrase struck me because until then I had thought I was pretty open. But perhaps not. The phrase struck me because I didn't think this person even knew who I was. The phrase will now always strike me because this person is dead. A ghost believes I hold my cards close to my chest.

I act like a darn idiot on the daily. It's one of my best teaching tools. It's my preferred form of art. But I do hold things close to my chest. I do. And there's a point of contact where one can't anymore. For logic or clarity or honesty. The round's going to end. You'll have to share your hand. And when you do, man, man, man. Oh man. The chips, they're all in.

Major Life Update Two (of Two)

Did something I haven't done in years. I auditioned for a straight play. I read this play (Drones) last fall because I was on the Theatre Production Committee, and I fell in love immediately.

Auditioning felt like something I needed to do, but I was actually pretty scared. Not of being cut. I am swamped this semester, and it would really be pushing it to be in a show. Plus, it's not personal to be cut from a hundred person audition for a play with six parts. No, I was scared of simply...looking stupid. A fellow MFA (director) was in the audition room, and all my confidence drained right through the floor when I walked inside. I haven't been seen as an actor since college. Was I the idiot with no training waltzing oblivious to how not an actor I was?

I did alright, and the next night I got a call-back. Nice. I held my own, that's all I could want. Didn't look like a dope. Check.

Saturday I showed up at the call-back with five other MFA actors before undergrads dropped in on the scene. And I had a blast. Doing those scenes with different partners and getting direction and having A SCRIPT that I DIDN'T HAVE TO WRITE. Man, it was just fun. At this point, I'm like, "Wow. I've gotten more than I bargained for in this process, and I'm grateful."

Flash forward to yesterday when I walk into the theatre on my way to writing workshop, and, bam. Cast list up, and I'm on it. Holla holla, y'all. I'm doin' a play.

Alice in Chains

Yesterday at about 2 PM where was I? Oh, just chained to a bed in in a basement of a house I had never been to before alone with a middle-aged man I had never met before filming me.

Somewhere in Wisconsin, my aunt just got nervous reading that.

Here's what happened:

On Friday night I got a call from my improv producer asking if I would be able to help with a project he was working on for the 48-Hour Film Festival. I said, yes, I was free for a few hours yesterday afternoon, and I could help. He told me the premise of the dark comedy: a lonely girl keeps a broom as a friend. Okay, I thought.

So, then, an hour later (they're still writing the script) he explains I'm being held captive--hence the loneliness. Hmm. Okay.

So, then I show up to the location on Sunday. My producer isn't there--just a fellow actor I know and the director (who I don't know). I read the final script and am like, "Oh. Oh I see. So there's a scene where the guy who has kidnapped me backhands me. Hmm." Ad then we go down to the basement to see the set--a really really creepy room with a chain.

Oh. So, I'm also going to be chained up. Hm.

And we shoot a little, and then the other actor announces he will be doing a lunch run while I shoot solo scenes. And I'm like, "Cool. Naw I don't want any Subway." And then he leaves...and I realize what is happening in my life. Which brings me back to the beginning of this blog post.

Of course, everything was fine. The director was very nice, and we shot everything in a timely manner, and I left. But if anything HAD happened...man, would I have looked like an idiot.

Officer: So how did this guy kidnap you into this basement?
Me: Oh, no, I drove myself.
Officer: But how did he get you in chains?
Me: I put them on?
Officer: ...But at what point did you get worried when he brought out a video camera?
Me: I...didn't?
(Officer smacks his forehead.)

Now, to quell anyone else's fears, as soon as I realized that I was in a sketchy situation, I did make a plan of escape mentally, and I knew where the handcuff key was. But, yeah, life is weird. In other news, go see the film I was in at the Tivoli in the Loop this Tuesday night!