Apology, Apology, Apology

In high school Ty used to come over to my house on Sundays at 7 PM when his parents thought he was attending Catholic night mass. It became our thing. Once we went ice skating, once bowling, sometimes he'd help me with physics homework, and one night we just sat on the floor of my bedroom shedding our biggest fears and explaining why we thought we were the way we were. There was something personal I said, something about how I viewed the world, about what scared me, and he made fun of it. Like, pretty quickly. On one hand it was almost refreshing because my concerns were just a joke to him. On the other hand I felt my safe space had been abruptly broken. I told him so, and he kind of scratched his head and the night wound down, and he went home. He called me there apologizing. "I just realized really how much of a jerk I was. I was asking you all these personal questions and then I made fun of you." Yeah, it was true. I said it was okay.

AZ State Fair, 2011. I miss it.

The next day at school I was attacked. All out mutual friends found me during the day." Ty says sorry," they all explained. Sometimes people were sincere--mostly flippant. He hadn't said why he was apologizing. He just sent everyone he could to say sorry. A girl I didn't know stopped me in the hall and asked if I was Alice. She said sorry on behalf of Ty. I even got a few calls after school. This was before social media, so he must have just announced before his classes, at lunch, etc. "Hey, if you know Alice, tell her I'm sorry." Ty called at night and asked if I had gotten the message. Yeah, I had. I didn't really know how to process the day. I mean, it's not like quantity matters in apologies, but it was such a creative way for him to know he meant it? Maybe? I still don't know for sure I guess. But I held nothing against him. That was that. He went on to ask me to prom, go to college, and we lost track of each other.

Falling Asleep Last Night

Step right up, step right up, engage in the most beautiful thing in the world, ladies and gentlemen!

Win big prizes! The biggest prize of all! Step right up to the realization that everything is big, and that includes you, and the weekend is a blur of writing in your bed and watching Rain Man in segments, and celebrating the upcoming holiday with friends, one of whom made pumpkin cupcakes and gave you the leftovers. "Danksgiving?" you asked after getting the text. And the guy laughed, "Getting dank is getting high, so, hence..." Oh. You thought, and you drove the van of drunkies home. One said he was depressed he was almost done watching Fraiser. You get that. You finished your play revisions, and you're not proud of them, but they're done, and a girl you do sketch comedy with said, "We got you a present" and it was a t-shirt of Hello Kitty sleeping on a cheeseburger that reads "FOOD COMA." When you first walked in, the host said, "There's only one dish with meat in it! There's ham, but that's it." You thanked him for informing you before even saying hello. You went to a Metallica version of The Misanthrope Saturday and sat in the nearly-empty balcony, and at intermission you turned around to see an improv teammate sitting behind you. Surprise! You say. We're both here on a Saturday night. Alone. You wore shorts because it was 70 all day--cooler at night, but a pleasant bike in your navy speech and debate hoodie.

Step right up because you're doing your best, and what's the worst that could happen? You don't create anything good in three years? You'll still get a good degree. You'll lose scholarships? If you can't pay, you can leave, and you'll be happy because everything is big.

Win big prizes.

AZ State Fair & One Kay Quote

In other news, my mom, her sistah, and I went to the AZ State Fair this afternoon. It was a grand ol' time.
Fried Food I Tried: oreo, peanut butter, Twinkie, Snickers, and peach (The peach was my favorite, and it is pictured below.)





"Are you seriously going to try to argue with me that the deep-fried cheese you just ate was healthy?"--Kay to me, Illinois State Fair 2010




Everyday it's a-gettin' closer,
goin' faster than a roller coaster.
Love like yours will surely come my way--
a-hey, a-hey-hey.

Cozy Dogs

Choppy internet for a while. Bye?




Everybody knows it hurts to grow up.

Creme Puffs, Wedding Cake, and Assorted Memories

Well, How-dee DOODY hasn't it been a busy weekend?

Yesterday Kay and I went to Mr. and Mrs. Blitzkrieg's wedding! It was a lovely affair. Mrs. B was my best friend when I was fifteen. It was harder to keep in touch when I moved, but we're still pals. She and the Mr. started dating in the midst of our best-friendship, so it was wild to see them actually tie the knot! High School sweeties. My heart piddles.


Me & Mrs. B August 2009

Anyway, I knew a couple people there from a high school. Twins who did speech with me, a sister here, a brother there, and Kay ironically got seated right next to one of the groomsmen who I actually dated for like a couple seconds six years ago. Anyway, in my mind weddings are so awesome. All stuff I like: dancing, love, food, an emphasis on cake, etc. But, then, you're there, and you're just kind of tired, and there are strangers, and music is eclectic so you can't really dance...a lot...and weird...the party's not as happening as you thought. Okay, well, I'm not disappointed at all because the actual wedding wedding part was very important to me. It's just this thing about expectations.

Today my dad, Kay, and I woke up early to head down to the State Fair. We met my sister and braved the blistering heat for some country bumpkin fun. On the way down I tried to remember our last visit. I was five or six. My dad just won a small contest at his newspaper, and said how he was using the money to buy us all creme puffs! So, we got there, and it was nice. But--just nice. It was hot. HOT. And, yes, we saw the butter cow, and the salesmen with their slimy pitches, and yes, Kay even MILKED his first cow. California boys. Pssh.

The creme puffs...were not actually good. Goopy and way too much sugar. The diving show...had some technical difficulties. The rides didn't look so appealing...suddenly it was like, "Okay..why are we here?" Again, don't get me wrong, it was a great day all in all...but those expectations.


Kay's Illinois Thanksgiving 2007

Honestly, the best parts of the whole weekend were playing improv games with Char and Kay on the dark ride home from the fair.

You remind me of a girl
that I
once knew.