Showing posts with label Old. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Old. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Patience

This week's teaching word has been "patience." I subbed a rando English class on Tuesday. The lesson plan called for a symposium on singular vs. plural verbs joy of joys. Besides clicking the Powerpoint I asked the students to write example sentences. I asked everyone to write a singular sentence that started with "She (verb)" in present tense. I gave several examples. I asked a girl in the back row what she wrote. She didn't. I said I'd come back. I did a couple minutes later. She said "I just suck at this, so I don't know." I said, "No, you don't. Any sentence at all. Try it." It was uncomfortable. It was quiet for a full minute before she creaked "She...jumps." Hallelujah. In that quiet moment I'm always like "Oh no, why did I do this?" But the answer is because they can all do it, and if they can't, with twenty seconds of coaching they can.

Yesterday in the Writing Center I had a guy who had to write a summary of an article about liver transplants. I asked "Okay, so what do you need help with?" He said, "I can't write." So I asked what the first sentence should be, and he said he didn't know, and then I asked again and he said something that was a pretty good start, so I was like "Awesome. Write that down." He had slow motor skills, penmanship like a 4th grader, but his ideas were solid. We went on that way for the full hour. He would write a sentence for two minutes. He would look up. He would say the next sentence outloud and then I'd nod, he'd spend another two minutes writing. I mostly sat and looked at my hands. I itched to pull out my phone while I waited and could literally hear the clock ticking behind me, but all he needed was someone to sit there with their full attention on him. Fine.

Today a young woman wild catted in. What does the author mean by X, I asked, I DON'T KNOW she cried HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. She read the paragraph again and I asked her to explain it to me. She did. She knew. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE EXAMPLES ABOUT AMERICA WHEN IM FROM CAMEROON she yowled. Oh, well talk about that experience vs. the American experience I said, as if I'd just thought of it, she beamed a million filaments I CAN TALK ABOUT CAMEROON? Yes, you definitely can and should.

Last night I was almost off the clock when I spotted a familiar face. A student who was in my very first class I taught in Chicago. She just graduated with her Associates. She's gonna be a nurse. We hugged. I felt so ancient. I wait on students all day. My life blood draining out my seat. Patience feels like doing nothing, but, you know, it moves in its invisible way.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

"I'm Old"

Last night was my second class of a new term at Improv High. A very sweet and funny pixie sat next to me. I started asking her about Phoenix. I remembered she mentioned in our "getting to know you" circle that was her home base. I gathered from our discussion that she went to school out there for some time and then moved a bit and ended up in Chicago. I started finding common ground when suddenly she kind of got awkward and said, "Yeah, well I'm old. I'm pretty old. I'm, uh, 31 now." And she nodded sort of embarrassed. I nodded back without words. There were a lot of things I could say, but I was stalled out. Class began.

We improvised for three hours, and then everyone was kind of hanging around the bar. The pixie's husband was there, so I very weirdly asked to talk to her alone. I said, "So, you're not old." And she at first thought I was kind of pitying her and being like, "Awww, not THAT old! Buck up!" But then I was like, "Okay, I feel self-conscious about being old because so many people in this community are 22, and this community says that's the only age to be, and I feel like it is impossible to move any higher in this community past 29, so when someone says she is 31 and basically old and dead, that scares me. I don't want to think to myself I only have X many years left." I didn't know if she was agreeing with me or not or if I was making sense. My face was flushing but it was too late to turn back. "And guys don't apologize for being 30! They don't say they're old! They become cool veterans. So don't say you're old. Because I think it makes it worse. So don't do that." Now she was stalled. I hope I didn't attack her. I hope I empowered her. It's weird how those two things are so easy to mistake. She said, "Yeah, thanks," and smiled very awkwardly. I went to a show using my student ID and ran into Pinker, who was celebrating his birthday.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Newborns

All the pieces of writing.
They resurge over time. My mid-term from Poetry II in 2009, my word.
The new play. The old revised. Like baby bunnies
crammed in the nest.
Can't possibly mother them all.
Reproduce, reproduce, reproduce.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Other Things Happened

At 1 AM last night (while procrastinating final grades) I had a feeling to text my dad. It was 3 for him, but no matter.

ME: Arf.
DAD: Woof.

He was awake. Because of our cat, he explained. He referenced Catch-22. He asked me about my impending move. Then--

DAD: Tell me again when you head for Alaska.
ME: May 18.
DAD: I have a BD card for you. I better send it early.
DAD: 25!
ME: I can't believe it.
ME: Sounds v old.
DAD: Sounds v young to me.
ME: Pssh. Cos you're a geezer.
DAD: Yeahhhhhh
DAD: When I turned 25 I was just starting my senior year at ___. I knew I was old then.
DAD: Just about ready to lay down and pull the sod over me.
DAD: Take the old dirt nap.
DAD: Yet, other things happened.

Monday, February 25, 2013

:( Girls and Mirrors :(

Last week in Methods of Teaching Theatre class we learned a good jumping-off point exercise for devising student work. Everyone in class stands in front of the mirror a few moments and fills in this sentence. "Some days when I look in the mirror I think _____________." Then, everyone goes on to freewrite a mini-monologue. You add movement. You arrange the various actors. Bada-bing, you have...something.

My class is eight women--grad and undergrad. Ages 20-40. In our monologues all eight of us talked about how old we felt when faced with ourselves.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Rainin' on Parades

Friday morning I took a workshop with Susan Messing (what what cool what!), and I left feeling pretty happy. It was a beautiful day, I had just gotten my improv on, the only thing standing in the way of a fun weekend with my dad was this last bus I was waiting on to take me out of the loop.

Milling about was a small gathering of folk. Like at any bus stop in the city, the crowd was diverse. One such bus-stop-waiter was an elderly man (late 70s? 80s?) with long grey hair and a grey beard. He wore an ugly shirt and khakis that were pulled far above his waist. Because he was elderly and had an elderly body, his gut pooched out awkwardly. He was zoned out.

Just then a double-decker tour bus stops on the corner. I look up at the people, and I feel immediately uneasy. A woman is literally pointing and laughing (more smirking I guess) at the odd-grey dude. She taps the teenage girl in front of her. The girl shows her dad. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I look down in a mini-pre hulk sulk, and we I look back up, the girl has her iPhone out, camera ready, as her parents excitedly grin. Next thing I know, someone is saying in a very harsh tone, "Hey. Don't do that." And then I realize it is my own voice. Oy vey.

And I continue, "That's not funny. That's a person."

The girl--who I realize is wearing a "Miss Teen--" something (I couldn't see the rest) sash puts her phone in her lap and shocked, looks to her dad. The dad gives kind of a "give me a break" eye roll--but it's covering a sincere coat of...what is it...fear? I think fear. The mom pretends she isn't even part of the family and looks away. And I've just scared to death some family who was out celebrating a pageant win.

The old man noticed none of this. The tour bus pulled away, and mine came. I felt like a hero and a villain. I turned it all over in my mind. Does it matter if we make fun of strangers? How could I have been kinder? Could I have been? What was it that gave me power over three people I didn't know? How is it I genuinely scared them? Is it because ultimately we are all most scared of being "wrong"--of being a "bad person"? It had little to do with me a lots to do with shame? Seeking answers.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Looking Forward, Looking Back

For my final Theory presentation, I have to pick a critical theory and apply it in some way to theatre--in general or a specific script or performance or something or something.

The sky is the limit, and I don't know what to pick. Two things come to mind:

1. Gender/Queer Theory--which is sort of a mini-field I've carved out for myself via research projects, lit papers, communal work/outreach. I'm interested in this field, and I find gender and sexuality issues very important in today's society.

But, also--

2. Marxism--Which is most intriguing to me these days. I couldn't tell you why, but it's just what I most want to read, most want to think about. It's new.


Adult convo at Sunday coffee with the bromeo and Juliets.

Honestly, either choice will be very interesting and enjoyable. But I still stand at the junction of building upon a strong foundation--beefing up my portfolio of gender/art work--or starting from scratch for funsies.

I believe...THAT THE HEART DOES GO ON. (Sorry. I've listened to so much Celine this week that it's impossible for me to say "I believe" without a follow up belt.) But, I believe in doing what you want to do, but not everything should be new. That's not how you become an expert. That's not how you most astutely address one nugget of academia, life, art, love.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

She's the One

I worked really hard today. Plus, I was up late goofing around with Kay. He baked banana bread last night as I graded my brains away. I feel edgy about walking around his place--like an owner or parent will just be there one day. But, no. It's a sweet little house just for him. And sometimes me.

"There's no rules at my house except for have fun! Oh God, I sound like a t-ball coach."-Kay

Anyway, I was still writing and feedbacking around 5 PM today and suddenly this fat puma of fatigue sat on my head. I barely put my computer down before conking out. I woke up feeling like I had been lying in a greasy frying pan for half an hour. I was really scared. I was suddenly aware of my mortal age. "I am 22," I thought and touched my face, looked at my hands. Yesterday I was reading in bed and felt overcome with a fluttery feeling of perfection, grace, consistency. I was sitting on daisy petals and even then remembered to tell myself to save some for a rainy day. Yet, today, every flower was missing. No lightness--just crushing steel.

"I'm watching The Legend of Sleepy Hollow the cartoon version, and I'm scared out of my mind!" -Pookie, the phone call I am having right now


May 2010

And if you wait for me. I'll give you everything.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Techno Rave

Technology is seriously going too fast for me. Blue my hair and deduct my speed on the highway--I feel totally befuddled by the speed of my work computer.

It's like, I'm processing which files are in which folders and what goes where..and the computer is like "What-here? Here? Here? Let me bring up files in a preview! Over here! Did you see how I juggle all your internet screens?! BING New Mail! Did you see the K-Drive!?" I swear it's like a dog playing fetch, and it just wears-me-OUT.

Whatever happened to having beaucoup de think time inbetween web pages loading, files being found, projects being saved?

It's all a girl can do but go home after a long dress rehearsal and play several games of Pac-Man.


Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, evening TV?

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Gettin' Old

YES its way over-done, but I feel like I'm getting so old so fast. Even a YEAR ago my plans and goals were infinitely more exciting than they are now. I've always been rather simple with my desires.

Old Desires:
-Do some traveling
-Work my way up the Second City program of improv
-Teach in Japan

New Desires:
-Not be cold
-Be within reasonable distance of a theatre so I can see a show once and a while--even if I never act again
-Companionship

I don't think I was ever purposely trying to rebel against anything with my disinterest in marriage, distaste for a career right out of school, living anywhere that would link me closer to improv...I think I just could have hacked it then. But now...I'm tired. I want to go on walks and be warm even in winter. I want to operate in small quiet settings and travel only when I absolutely have to. I don't want to make new friends. I just want to look around and see the same guy in my house.

Its easy for me to say this with my clamped jaw and numb chin and joints that haven't gotten to work-out in a week and the busiest quarter I will have in college staring me in the face. Gosh, it's probably just today, but I feel like if I woke up tomorrow and all my dreams had been thrown away and all I was left with was a shack in Arizona, a deadbeat husband, and a crappy job...it wouldn't be so bad.