Distractions

It is painful to avoid distractions, but I am more committed than ever to it. I've officially gone a month following my first New Year's Res. Every day spiritual study & journaling before phone. Less and less do I even want to engage in social media. It hurts or it distracts. I like learning this slowly instead of insistently. I like waiting three minutes for the train and looking at the track. My counselor has noted I give myself little homework assignments all day, and it's refreshing to know it is not only okay to end that, but vital to my peace.

I've been distracted since I got here, although I don't regret most of it. I reached for the lowest apple, then climbed to the first branch, then sat in the tree. But don't worry, I was scoping other trees while I was off the ground. I was making my grape net and even harpooned a mango or two. There is power in saying what I actually want to do and what I don't. It is difficult to jump down and walk away. This might be related to social media. Who knows.

I feel a yellow rush about February, or pink to match the CVS displays. What I truly am is more complicated, obtuse, but I keep getting these good signs and these interested emails and that is more than most people ever get (not to be full of myself, but to be grateful and honest). It's so regular now I only have to follow through. I have some schemes and I have accepted the investment.

That's where I will sit and make my new play. As early as I can. With an open body. That's where I will sit and finish my book. When I'm done, I'll stand in the shop and order four fancy chocolates. At least. We will make our thing. My calendar will be full of deadlines over call-times. I have two scary goals for 2018. One I have little control over, but two potential knocks. The other I have all the control over. I only must avoid the crunchy distraction.