You Don't Need It

Imagine this is my my best Jerry Seinfeld voice: What's the deal with checking-in early? Like, come on, guys, you don't have to do that.

On Southwest it's general seating so I GET why you want to check-in early. Window seats are nice and all that, but really...when you have to get on the plane half an hour earlier than the people in the final boarding zone--is it really worth it?

Also, if you're able to sit comfortably in a middle seat, do everyone a favor and don't check in early. Just take the middle seat for the good of the flight. It's really not that big a deal, friend.

Today I shuffled to the very back of the plane and sat in an aisle seat. The windows were all taken. Eventually more people crowded in and a kind woman smiled and said, "If you'll just let me through..." so I just sat up and plopped to the middle. She was so surprised! "Oh, my, well! Thank you!" When...actually, all the seats are same size and we're all in the tuna can with just as little breathing room on the aisle as in the middle, so...don't wig out, don't check-in early, don't stand up the moment the seat-belt lights are off, pull an Anna Nalick and just breathe.

Please don't let me go falling from the sky.
These fasten seatbelt signs just need to go out.