Pause

I've been feeling shifting sand lately. I look up an employment page, get sucked down a wormhole of articles about this generation's workforce, think about writing, comedy, watch some vines, feel I did a lot but blink because my eyes are tired of the universe I stare into on my iPhone. An interesting thing about the internet is that when it's over, you close the boxes, and it's like you've done zip.

The world is very big lately. I had things to do tonight, so I pushed Bisque out of my house around 7. He made a little kissy face as I closed the door. I turned around when there came a knock. I opened. He beckoned, no words. Pointed. A blazing hot pink sunset over the palms. Too good for words. Too good for a photo. I have nothing of it. We stood hugging a long time.

On Rape in Conversational Context

I think anything can be funny. The whole tragedy + time = comedy cliche is true. Like, Holocaust jokes. They happen. People laugh. That said, I don't think rape is funny. I can't think of a time when it has been.

Actually. I take that back. Sid tells a lot of rape jokes in his stand-up, and I laugh loathingly into my arm.

But, it's certainly not funny in a "throw around" kind of way. Now hold on, I think rape, like all violence can be glorified. Like, people can get all moody and be like it's the Worst Thing Ever. And, I'm not saying it's a walk in the park to be raped...although that may be how it starts (HEY-O). I'm just saying, sometimes I think the harsh seriousness with which it can be treated almost seems melodramatic and then, well, the opposite effect is achieved? Like the girls in high school Speech who did The Lovely Bones so s-l-o-w-l-y and de.lib.er.ate.ly. UGH UGH UGH. Just made me make fun of them/rape with my friends after the round let out.*

Anyway, the point is, today our Level Three teacher said we should rape our scenes. It was a ham-handed way of saying A) bring intense energy and B) don't accept failure. I get that. But everyone laughed, and I stuck in the mud. Frowning. Yeah, I'm that dude.

I guess I just feel it wasn't necessary. Like, can't there be other ways to say it? Other ways that aren't so stark and "wrong" that people laugh? It's a cheap laugh at that. And I KNOW some people say "It's just words" but I think that's a ridiculous sentiment because we LIVE BY WORDS. I'm in an improv intensive. Take away the words, and we're next to nothing. Words are at least 60% of us. At LEAST more than half.

And other people are like if you DON'T say the word, it becomes powerful. I'm not saying don't say it. I'm saying, say it when you're actually discussing the weight of rape. People act shocked about this Colorado movie theatre shooting, but, come on. I tell people I'm going to kill them on the reg. That DOES something to our brains. That DOES something to our souls. To say you're going to rape whatever whenever just because it's a clumsy word that can generally mean anything? That DOES something.

And this is not to even consider the possibility of mentioning rape in the presence of someone who has been and then must privately wince at the thought.

*Hunny, SVC, and I STILL mimic this one girl's intro that LITERALLY began, "Have you ever been raped? Yes? No? Well, I haven't. But the character in my piece has." WHAAAAT THE WHAAAAAAAT?

Watch Your Mouth

Two weeks ago in Theory class, one student--full disclosure, one the rest of us don't know (because it's a class of two playwrights, five Theatre for Youthers, and This One Chick)--said, "This is gonna sound retarded, but--"

And Rabbit laid down the law. Not rudely, but curtly, she said--deadpan--"Can we not use that word?"

I know, for a definite fact, at least five of us had been thinking it, and we breathed a sigh of relief that it didn't have to be us. Ahhhh, grad school peers. The only community where I'm not the most annoyingly PC.

Flash-forward to today:

Our Theory professor says, "We only have five weeks left." I lift my eyebrows. Whoa. Time flies, and my peer with the tiny red curls shrieks, "Jesus Christ!" and This Chick gasps a "Wooooow." I think she agrees with us that summer is so sudden, when she tacks on a, "Can we not saaaaay that please?"

My peer peeps a sincere sorry, and then a "It's just, I'm surprised..." Trail off.

This REALLY bothers me, and I know it shouldn't. We did the same thing to her--we aligned and made her feel bad for saying A WORD. Just a little word that alludes to disability. But it was unforgivable. It was also unforgivable to me that anyone ask anyone to care if the full name of a Biblical character is said aloud. But, I suppose it was That Chick's right? I mean, my peer agreed to being inappropriate by apologizing, did she not?

JESUS CHRIST, why does this bother me? Why are words so powerful? Why do I despise people who say certain things and despise even more the people who despise people who say certain other things?!