Mulan Fireworks

10 PM on Saturday
October 22. October's almost gone--
I can't believe it.

I was cozied into my blue flannel,
that once belonged to Kay.
Brownies in the oven, batter splotches on my shorts, I sat
clicking at my Theatre History mid-term, books of Stanley Fish and Philip Zarelli filleted,
splayed, across the kitchen table.

October's almost gone.
This afternoon I was reading Isabel Allende
poolside in my two-piece and sweating slow
while my sister and father wore sweaters to purchase pumpkins
in rural Illinois.

October's almost gone. It's
my elementary school classmates in puffy Bulls jackets,
miniature Snickers bars, a Girl Scout overnight in Eagle Cave.
It's walking back from Marine Fisheries senior year
with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands. Nip nip
with fresh break-up wounds.
"My love for you feels like the fireworks at the end of Mulan,"
Kay told me when I had visited him seven months into our relationship,
and then POP BANG FIZZLE FIZZLE FIZZLE.

October's almost gone.
And then November will be.

To a Long and Healthy Life

It occurs to me that people in Shakespeare's time did not live half as long as we do today. Yet, while watching Romeo and Juliet, I am sure both audiences felt rustled by the wheat fields of tiny hatreds they harvested in their hearts, felt crestfallen seeing that last poisonous kiss.

It doesn't matter the girl only had another, what, fifteen years anyway? Tragedy, tragedy--it's arbitrary and universal, no? Every age seems just too young and just too old. Goldylocks to infinity.


MARRIED. MUFF & JAMBA. Love in October 2010.

I have just started The House of the Spirits by Isabelle Allende for my dramaturgy class. I like it okay so far. I read this today:

"I was about twenty-five then, but I felt as if I had only a little life ahead of me to build my future and attain the position that I wanted." Which...is how I felt starting school, but I've been since calmed 1. By my creative fix coming in through improv and comedy. And, 2. Because there is no perfect life, creation, success, or, even, attempt.

SIDE: I know my closing lyrics today are ultra-cheeseball, but the song is quite beautiful and featured in Baz Luhrmann's R + J.

Pride can stand a thousand trials.
The strong will never fall,
but watching stars without you--
my soul cries.
Heaving heart is full of pain--
oh, oh, the aching.
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I am kissing you.