Acid Rain

"Isn't it strange we have to try to be ourselves?" Puhg asked. What a paradox.

Is it because we are nothing but a sum of our actions, and if you believe no day but today, only the potential the actions we are on the cusp of taking? Or, if you're really being particular, only the canoe you're in at this moment?

So it takes tons of start-up energy to get the machine whirring, to ask, "What is it I even am before I act?" And then, whoa, what if you want to change? On one hand, if you're just in this canoe, changing is very very simple and everyone selling self-help books is a fraud because you just dip your paddle and swing another direction. But on the other hand maybe your canoe has been lashed with wild straw, tight and lean, with little ability to change or you only have one map or you aren't on a wide river but a dripping little creak, bottom touching rock.

Last night I dreamt I stole someone's DNA. It was a comedian I admire. He was laying on a hotel bed, and I took a sample of his mucas. It was bright green in the petri dish. Someone else was there, drunk, trying to play a board game. The city was dark and lit in navy glow, there were talks of acid rain. Not the fake (?) 90s kind, like the government was wondering if they should blast us all with a cloud of hallucinogenics once a month to take the edge off things. My platform was maybe have rain rooms, where people could go if they wanted the acid. I kept the green sludge in my pocket. I didn't know what I was going to do with it.

Time Traveling Moon: Pt Two

"But you CAN get too caught up in Love! You can, and then you've done nothing for anyone! You must do the work!" Stripes was practically screaming int he middle of Maggie Daley Park. That happens sometimes. She gets overwhelmed with ideas and starts whooping without knowing it.
"But," I barely interrupted. "But, on the other hand--"
Stripes' huge eyes spun on me. "BUT, you can become engulfed in the structure, and then you're devoid of anything real! Your heart is gone! Your purpose is squat!"
We hoof on the silver brick road.
"So how do you balance the two?" I ask.
It's warm for November. I didn't even wear a coat. People are playing frisbee in shorts.

Later Bisque shows us photos of the universe. Galaxies, black holes, all of it. My brain starts shutting off because it's all so unbelievable. We talk about the moon. It's so bright, but it's a rock. We say there is moonlight, but there isn't. There is only sunlight, and the moon filters the good stuff to us who need it. The sun is sending light all over the place, but the moon's structure shows us the shine.

It Works If You Work It

Remind yourself daily what it is you're about.
It seems like that shouldn't even be a thing you even have to do.
Like the carrot would be right there. Duh!
But we forget dreams, personal character hopes, convictions pretty easily.

Regionals morning. 2014.

Some Dating Thoughts (Part II)

Magazines are deceptive impish devices. I've talked about this before. I used to love them, but oh man, do they wreck you. After a ten minute browse of Cosmo, I need a new wardrobe and body and boyfriend AND OMG 60 DOLLAR MASCARA I NEED IT.

But.

At some point in my life, probably around ten years ago, after I had exhausted every ounce of copy in a CosmoTeen, I read the Editor's note. And I never forgot it.

In summation: The editor displayed two pictures of herself--a headshot from her 20s (skimpy dress, pouty face) and a school photo from middle school (mini-fro/perm, corduroy pants with zipper undone).  She talked about how she was so much happier in the former. Who friggin cares how she looked? Pretty big idea for an impressionable teen. Then, she went on to discuss how around the time of the sultry pic, she went to a party and saw a super perfect guy there. She approached him as perfect as she could be, and he totally bit the bait. They started dating, and she never actually liked it because she was being what she thought he wanted. She broke up with him, and he was semi-devistated. Of course he was! He had no clue where that came from. She explained subjectivity in success in terms of dating. Whoa. Blew my brace-face brain wide open.

Anyway, those were some pretty rad lessons to learn at that age. And I got them from a semi-vapid place. Thank you, you CosmoTeen editor, wherever you are...