like genuinely

I’m at the little pink cafe. I come here once a month before my laser appointments. If you get your hair burnt off, sometimes you need a special cookie or something. They’re blasting Lily Allen’s album start to finish, and I am loving it of course. 

Yesterday I thought about school shootings all day, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Got up early to finish the Toy Conglomerate commercial. Submitted it at 8:30, dramaturgy meeting at 9. Exercised and showered and talked to my producer—10K in play from an unlikely source, an actor from my favorite film franchise. You just never know. Set a call with my lawyer god bless her doing this deal pro bono because she knows I am bleeding money.

Met the school shooting survivor at the garden patio. She got a chocolate chip cookie and a huge sugary caramel iced coffee. 21and traumatized. We yap for two hours, and I have to hold my tongue several times. “Do you not see the patterns?” I want to ask, “How you say you’re doing okay but every story you tell…”

When I get home I’m supposed to work on the climate movie, but I collapse into bed and sleep for an hour instead. Rise just in time for the PR zoom. What should the poster look like? No guns, I say. Pinks and purples.

I work on an email to famous friends who might send me a blurb. I intro actors. I text BM just to laugh. I post to Insta, about auditions for the indie show. I write the maybe manager, would he be in for a gd lunch. At 7 Puhg and I head to the mall. I scamper around for khakis. I need them for improv. We settle in for a viewing of Overtone, which I enjoy even though I, true to form, despise a man wrote a movie about motherhood.

Been staying up late most nights. Not even doing very much. Writing in my diary, with my left hand, how I am excited and scared. The shooting survivor texts me, "it was so good seeing you again. thank you so much for bringing awareness to school shootings and not forgetting about it. like genuinely, thank you so much. it means the world."