And yet, I am not running. This is a trend I've realized in myself lately that I really don't like: I get scared and annoyed by things in a big looming shadowmonster way without really seeing what the problem is. This morning I woke up--not groggy. I got up, I brushed my teeth, and then I quivered contemplating the run.
I exercise every day, so I should just run now rather than later. Also, I feel fine and healthy, and its not too cold out. Also, I really like running. I don't usually push myself too hard, and I find it very relaxing. Yet, there is this huge breathing beast of fear here in bed with me as I type. I got very quiet, still, and began to ask questions. It took a long time because at first all I could feel was the saliva drip of the monster as he exhaled sharply onto my cheek. Rationality flew out the window--all that mattered is I listen to FEAR. But, I continued on, "Why don't you want to run? What is wrong? Let's go through step by step."
I figured it out. My running headphones broke, which means I have to use a different set that bounce a lot and I have to hold at an awkward angle and they have started to break, and I don't want to run sans music this morning. I've thought enough these days. Now, I'm not sure what to do. I cracked the case. Is the answer to pat myself softly on the back and stay in bed? Do I get going right now and have an annoyed jog? More importantly, how can I stop myself from doing this with every aspect of my life? The fear is too much.
She started freezing, lungs all collapsing
The momentum is passing, but the moment is eating us whole
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